During a press conference yesterday, Secretary of Defense/War Pete Hegseth was asked if going forward he would be splicing in more video game and movie snippets into the recordings of the Iranian war destruction that are released to the public.  “Of course,” he answered.  He said in a recent survey, 98% of the nation’s gamers and friends at Fox News approved of adding the improvised material and found it creative and  whimsically entertaining. “You know who the 2% were that didn’t approve?” he asked.  “Women!”

Hegseth went on to say that the feedback was so positive he is thinking about interjecting more variety.  “I thought the clip with SpongeBob SquarePants was hilarious.  So, just spitballing with staff, we think utilizing some classics, like Elmer Fud and Yosemite Sam would really  juice things up. And Roadrunner.  That guy’s a stich.”

When queried about the errant missle strike on an Iranian building that killed over a hundred grade school girls, Hegseth was adamantly defensive.  “They shouldn’t be building anything anywhere near something we want to blow up,” he declared.

Hegseth seen here the moment he recognized  SpongeBob SquarePants’s military potential