Monthly Archives: March 2016

Cutting Down the Nets

Here’s a little “snippet” (pardon the pun) for you.  http://midwestmensclinic.com/march-madness-free-pizza-vasectomy/   I would like to set the record straight here however.  I know it appears that as a group guys couldn’t be more desperate in their search for the perfect excuse to skip work so they can watch the smorgasbord of college basketball that occurs every March.  And to use one that has an expectation attached that our spouses wait on us hand and foot no less.  Personally I think this method falls a bit short.  A vasectomy provides cover for a week at best.  What I did is schedule my total knee replacement during October- prime football season.  I took a whole month off.  For me there is just a lot more entertainment value with football.  But if basketball is your thing, I say go for it.  And for sure  vasectomy surgery supplies what I think is probably the perfect metaphorical pain identity to the whole March Madness theme.

Who hasn’t got kicked in the balls by a Stephen F. Austin every year?   In a way I think you could say laying an ice bag in your crotch for 24 hours is just an effective way to to demonstrate the psychological pain you are going through.  If nothing else being able to numb the region of the body that represents virile manhood  might provide some emotional solace.    Personally I had to reposition my imaginary ice bag across the bridge of my nose after Middle Tennessee thumb-gouged both my eyeballs as i watched them dismantle Michigan State.

Where I should really apply my psychological  ice bag is on my ass.   That’s where  I kicked myself for listening to all of ESPN hot shot bracket predictors for three solid evenings on my 50 inch television set.  These guys are supposed to know what in the fuck they are doing, right?  I mean they watch basketball games 24/7.  I just tune in when the tournaments start.  My bracket is sitting solidly in 17th place, only two rungs away from the bottom of the standings ladder.  The only reason I am not at the very bottom is because the two  people below me didn’t enter our pool this year and remain on the list as a reminder that I would have been better off doing as they did and ignored the whole mind-dicking experience.   Jesus Christ my wife, daughter, daughter-in-law and two nieces are stomping the shit out of me.  I couldn’t be more  emasculated.  The bracket nightmare resumes this week end, but I think I’ll try and watch some pre-season baseball games. They can be agonizingly boring, but a nap is always nice, and  at least I know there isn’t a baseball bracket looming on the horizon to slam me in the nuts.

Injured Man with Head Bandages

Above is a metaphorical representation of  what my bracket and soul look like after week one.

 

 

Cleveland Consternation

If you’re like me you just can’t pull yourself away from the Republican presidential debates and the ongoing circus of events surrounding them.   It’s like dealing with a nasty hangnail.  Maybe if you tear that last piece of loose flesh away things will be smoothed over so it will finally heal properly.  It hurts like hell, but you do it anyway, somehow thinking you are doing your finger a favor.  I keep watching these debates and rallies, even though doing so absolutely tortures the part of my brain that assimilates logic, desperately trying to understand how Donald Trump can maintain his attraction to so many people.  During the first March debate I thought for sure his lack of substance and knowledge about basic political and economic facts would finally be exposed.  And by Fox news no less.  “The Donald” tells a fib every 5 minutes.  One of his whoppers is that he claims he can save 300 billion dollars annually on Medicare drug purchases.  Chis Wallace not only verbally pointed out Medicare drug expenses totaled only 78 billion a year, but he had the figures displayed on the  huge auditorium projection screen for every viewer in the country to see.  To my knowledge, powerpoint has never been utilized in such a humiliating manner in these debates.

As usual Mr. Trump danced around the blatant disregard of facts, and once again his amazing wizardry with information distortion seems to have done little to harm his endearment with the masses.  It’s fucking unbelievable.  The facts are right in front of people, in the facility and on TV sets in huge block numbers and still a vast segment of the population chooses to ignore how uninformed this presidential candidate is.  I am starting to get why the evangelical right considers Donald Trump to be a favorite though.  Potentially being able to change thin air into barrels of cash has got to seem more impressive than that trick Jesus did with water and wine.

These debates are a stark reminder that it is impossible to logically change an opinion when that opinion was not logically arrived at in the first place.  People believe what they want to believe.  And apparently many people believe discussing the size of your dick on national television is perfectly presidential.  The Republican party is imploding and it has no one to blame but itself.   I have to say I find it hugely entertaining, yet depressively alarming.

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I think everyone understands most of us are disillusioned with establishment politics in this country.  However I am ever confident people will come to their senses and start rejecting the radical political opportunism that is going on in the Republican party right now.  Having said that, morbid curiosity gnaws at me in anticipation of what will happen if there is a brokered convention and Mr. Trump is denied the nomination in spite of having the majority of delegates.  The major operatives of the Republican party are having such a shit attack they are even suggesting their members flush a basic tenet of democracy down the toilet and vote for who the establishment wants rather than who that voter prefers.  They are promoting exactly what people are fed up with- establishment politics.  Remember the turmoil during the 1968 Democratic National convention in Chicago?  Hundreds of protesters who felt politically disenfranchised were bruised and bloodied.  I have a feeling mid July in Cleveland will offer up some very similar drama.  That hangnail just will not go away.