In response to the recent mass shooting in Lewiston Maine, newly elected House Speaker Mike Johnson stated he will introduce legislation making it mandatory for all United States bowling alleys to install appressed armories on their premises.

Johnson made his proposal during a morning press conference.  Noting that the nation  has come a long way in making certain its citizens have easy access to firearms, he appologised for letting bowling alleys slip through the cracks of congressional supervision.  “It is imperative that we make it clear that any bad man with a gun entering a bowling alley will regretfully encounter  an army of good men with lots of guns.”  Johnson went on to explain how simple it would be to implement his plan.  “Now when a bowler walks up to the rental counter, he can simply be sized for a semi automatic of his choice as well as his shoes.”

The Speaker went on to assure Americans that they could count on more innovative measures like this one from a rejuvinated congress and they will all continue to work hard to ensure public saftey with thoughts and prayers.

SHUT UP!

I am not sure how they did it, but the Republican party somehow plumbed the depths of their scum covered pond of Maga wing-nuts and yanked Jim Jordan to the surface to serve as their next man up for the House Speakership position.  You gotta admit their selection is quite possibly the perfect man to champion  what the present Republican party represents.  Jimmy Gym is a promoter of the Big Lie, was alledgedly involved in plotting an insurrection, covered up a sexual abuse scandal when he was an assistant wrestling coach at Ohio State, defied a congressional subpoena, and has never, in his decade and one half of serving in congress, had any bill enacted.

He is Trump’s guy and the Republican party is Trump’s party.  Jordan has apparently learned from the best.  Like Trump, he has Fox “news” henchman Sean Hannity at his side, sending out intimidating emails to Republican congressmen who dared not to vote for Jimmy Gym on first balloting.  Trump seems willing to donate the sevices of his lunatic fringe also.  The wife of Nebraska congressman Don Bacon received anonymous, menacing texts from someone pressureing her to push her husband to vote for Jordan.

Jordan’s pressure campaign will either backfire on him, or, as has been the malaise infected history of the disjointed House Republicans, enough of them will roll over and Jimmy Gym will be second in the line of succession for President of the United States. Of course the first scenario will require a meager amount of courage on the part of  recalcitrant Republican holdouts. Holy smokes!  Look out Joe and Kamala.  Better increase your security detail.