It has emerged that Senator Lindsey Graham has introduced a bill initiating funding for a new building that will be dedicated to one of President Trump’s passions- observing sweaty, scantilly clothed men inflict serious physical injury in ways normally unimaginable. Alluding to the UFC arena currently being erected on the south lawn of the White House as part of the nation’s upcoming 250th anniversary celebration, Graham suggested tax dollars could be saved by incorporating it into an expansive building that could be built at the conclusion of the anniversary festivities.
Graham mentioned how unfair the president felt it was for a federal judge to insist the Trump name be removed from the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. “The president is justifiably upset,” Graham said. “If there is one thing he knows it’s art. That judge is incompetent and obviously some kind of Marxist. You get every cabinet member in an enclosed room with the president and I can guarantee you absolutely every one of them will tell him that his taste in art is impecable, that no one knows art like he does, no matter what kind of art we’re talking about. So creating his own center for the martial arts would be another notch on the grip of his revenge pistol. It’s simply the right thing to do.”
White House aide Dusty Smertz said the president was super charged about the idea, and that he was already carrying around gigantic posterboard renderings of the project. When asked if construction would be completed before Trump’s term ended, Smertz said that was not a concern. “The president feels this art form is underappreciated. The Donald J. Trump Center for the Martial Arts will be a building for everyone to enjoy. You’ve seen how the president admires the human male form. Just a couple weeks ago during his commencement speech at the Coast Guard Academy, he invited the fitness champion of the the graduates to come up on the stage so he could feel his muscles. The president loves handsome men, especially the brawny ones and as we know when he spots one he can’t resist tossing him a compliment. The Donald J. Trump Center for the Martial Arts will be a place for all Americans to admire the exhibitions of the sculpted male form perform on a variety of competitive artistic stages.”
Since the president is known for promoting the World Wrestling Federation and the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Smertz was asked if practitioners of more traditional defensive martial arts disciplines like karate and tai chi would be included in the Trump Center. He replied that as long as they took their shirts off they would be more than welcome.