Monthly Archives: April 2019

Poll Shows Trump Supporters Discouraged by His Obstruction Ineptitude

The poll of Trump supporters that was taken two days ago to asses the impact the Mueller report had on their opinions revealed some noteworthy findings.  In particular it indicated that many were stunned by the inconsistent results the president has had in carrying out acts of obstruction.  Typical of exit polling remarks were those of Herbert Gliterman.  “I have to admit the report left me a little disappointed.  We all know what a great lier he is.  Nobody comes close.  Sure he can get friends and family to lie right along with him. But I just don’t understand how he can’t seem to get the really important people around him to lie too.  What kind of leadership is that?”  Gliterman (pictured) placed some of the blame for Trump’s failings on what he called “tight-assed m*****f*****s,” a term his wife  later explained was Mr. Gliterman’s way of describing traditional Washington bureaucrats.

 

Pollsters reported there is one other finding that stood out.  Many people seem conflicted about the revelation that President Trump could not supply an answer to 37 of the written interview questions that he was asked to submit to Mueller investigators. “I’m a little concerned,” said  poll participant Margie Netherbottom.  “That’s not like him.  Everyone knows what a great memory he has.  He mentions that at almost every rally.  And the best brain.  He has a dynamite brain.  He’s out there commenting about his fantastic brain all the time.  I certainly hope he’s all right.”

Others, like Paul Wintermunster, had a different point of view.  “Don’t let all the preposterously unbelievable number of unanswered questions fool you.  That all just shows what a genius the man is.  He’s the deal maker.  He sets the rules.  I mean It’s not like he was under oath.  And even if he was, who cares?”

President Trump responded to the negative polling fallout  later in the day.  It read,  “Who knew obstruction pf justice could be so hard.”

 

Government to Furnish California Bound Immigrants with Smallpox Imbedded Blankets

It was announced today that the Department of Homeland Security will clear out southern border immigrant detention facilities by transporting detainees to various sanctuary cities throughout the country.  To provide some comfort during their travels each will be issued a cozy, smallpox-laced, army surplus blanket.

Since  the only remaining sources of the highly contagious virus are tightly secured at the CDC in Atlanta and the VECTOR lab in Novosibirsk Russia, the veracity of the project as well as the credibility of the source of the report were vigorously questioned.  When it was disclosed that the person hatching the plan was none other than presidential senior advisor Stephen Miller, all doubts were cast aside.

President Trump is confident Stephen Miller (pictured) has what it takes to get the job done.