Hoping to score more “likes’ on social media, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has made a modification to the firing squad execution of  Maj. Nidel Malik, the officer who killed 13  people at Fort Hood in 2013.   After Hegseth’s two teen aged sons asked if they could watch, he concluded there was likely a huge demand for public viewing, and decicded  to livestream the event .  But during his customary troop inspection at O’Leary’s Pub, a platoon of privates  who had just had their monthly testosterone injections, questioned the appropriateness  of the firing squad idea.  After group discussions about the best way to catch eyeballs on a livestreamed execution, and over several rounds of drinks, by closing time the overwhelming consensus was a good beheading was just what the American public was craving.  The next morning Hegseth put a call into FCC commissioner Brendan Carr and encouraged him to use some of his special leveraging tactics to assist with negotiations with ESPN for the streaming rights.  Stay tuned for further developments.

As a personal contribution to our celebration of the nation’s 250th birthday, starting this Friday, July 3rd, President Trump is dropping the price of all his personal merch by 10%.  You got it right- EVERYTHING!  Bibles, guitars, cologne, Chirstmas ornaments, golden sneakers, you name it.  Want a $100,000 gold watch?  Imagine slapping that on your wrist knowing you just saved 10K !  That’s like scoring an insider trading opportunity that only people like the President of the United States can trigger and take advantage of.  Are you the type that can’t get enough of mindlessly gazing at the president’s manly image on his NFT trading cards?  What’s your fancy?  Trump cowboy? Trump astronaut? Trump Superman?  Believe it or not, this week end only, you can bundle all three, or any three of your choice for an extra 5% off.  That’s a total of 15% off!!  How is that possible you say?  Just make your purchase with the president’s bitcoin, $Trump.  It’s that simple.  Not only are you saving, but you are exponentially contributing to the president’s bank account.  You can’t get anymore patriotic than that.  What if you’re the demanding type that wants more than visual stimulation, and has always appreciated the soothing ambiance of President Trump’s voice.?  In case you are not aware, there is a vast selection of talking items available, cards, pens, buttons.  Grab them while you can before it’s too late.  There’s more!  Think you can’t possibly get one of those gigantic banners of his image that the president has hanging from every federal building in Washington DC?  Think again my friend.  Even though your tax dollars already paid for them for over five thousand dollars  each, you can own one all by yourself for a mere $2500.  To be honest, we’re not sure how this particular offer transpired, but we know Eric and Don Junior are personally involved, so rest assured it’s all on the up and up.

The president even has a very special 250th bonus for those looking for a presidential pardon.  You won’t believe your good luck. It’s stars and stripes week end and the president is willing to allign the stars in a most fortuitous way should you need such an accommodation to prevent the inconvenient bars of confinement from casting their striped shadows of justice upon you.  Since there has really been no fixed figure for this favor, the10% discount is basically moot.  But the president is a business man and is willing to negotiate.  More than likely a million dollars will get the job done, but don’t underestimate the enticing  effect anything of value that is shiney and gold  has on the president.  Make an offer.

Happy 4th everyone.

It appears President Trump has had it with Pope Leo XIV.  Ever since January when the pope delivered his State of the World speech that included critical remarks about the Trump administration’s militaristic proclivities, Trump seems to have included the Vatican on his enemies list.  Things came to a boil when he heard about the pope’s assertion during his Easter Mass that “Jesus… does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them.”  In an early morning post on his Truth Social platform yesterday he made his feelings crystal clear:

“Pope Leo had better watch his mouth if he knows what’s good for him.   He is a total loser who many say the only way he got elected was because HE RIGGED THE ELECTION!  All day long there was black smoke coming out of the chimney and then all of a sudden real late, it’s WHITE and the Catholic Church has its first American pope.  The whole thing stinks and should be investigated. We know he cheated because he is obviously a Democrat.  Whoever heard of a pope who wasn’t Italian?  They always speak Italian. They speak Latin sometimes, but it’s the good kind, not like the Latin they speak in Latin America. This supposedly holy guy, a holy pontiff they call him sometimes really cant be so holy when you go around  criticizing your great president for blowing up boats and cities and grade schools.  I had the terrific people at our FANTASTIC DEPARTMENT OF WAR  talk to his people and we have made it clear that the pope had better start preaching the right way.  The Catholic Church had better start taking our side or I WILL REIGN HELL upon them the likes of which they’ve never seen before.  I mean what has he  got?  Maybe a hundred soldiers with long poles, like lances or something.  Might be a combo hatchet and lance.  But that’s it!  They just parade around in funny pants and helmets with feathers.  FEATHERS!  Not even a pistol or even one of those nasty bowie knives.  Jim Bowie!  There was an American hero.  But the Mexicans murdered him.  The Alamo.  We love the Alamo don’t we!?!  Well if the pope doesn’t stop bad mouthing  your favorite president it will be his Alamo and it will be over in 5 minutes!  And this time the GOOD GUYS WIN !!!  And if the pope does survive three or four bombings I will excommunicate him.  I can do that.  I hate to but I’ll have to.  There can only be one totally infalible person and everyone is saying that’s me.  I won in a landslide by a margin the likes of which no one has ever seen.  The highest court in land says I am infallible and therefore am more holy than even the pope. The best preachers are all saying I am God’s direct messenger on earth and my message is we have the most powerful military on earth and I can do whatever I want with it.  God IS ON OUR SIDE  and the pope  knows it.  So that mother fucker had better watch his pees and Qs or I will blow his ass to smithereens.  Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

When asked  if he had any response to Trump’s post, Pope Leo simply said no, that none of it was important, but seemed to offer an off handed rebuff when he ended the short conversation by saying he needed to get to dinner because they were serving fish tacos.

Ever since  President Trump revealed on Fox News that the war in Iran would end when he felt it in his bones, members of the MAGA community are questioning Trump’s decision to outsource presidential decisions to his bones. Herb Paxton from Whistlers End Alabama put it this way: “Trump started thinking with his bones, and all of a sudden we’re in the middle of a crazy war.  He’s always trusted his gut.  Now he’s letting his bones call the shots.  I think he’s making a big mistake.”

Critical observers of MAGA world are postulating that this issue might be the one that finally precipitates the great MAGA schism.  Polling indicates a sudden surge in the anti-bone movement.  “I’ve never seen the price of gas go up a dollar in two or three days.  I can’t say I trust Trump’s bones,” said Herman Parkman from LIttle Rock.  Hank Steinfecker, a farmer from Possum City Missouri, suspects Trump was relying on his bones far earlier than most people realize.  “I think it was his bones that sarted all this “tariffs for everybody” nonsense.  I think his gut has more common sense.  Fertilizer costs doubling, that’s definitely his bones responsible for that.”

Brawny Humper, a construction worker from Cincinnati, is a big supporter of Trump’s bones.  “I’m all for bombing the s**t out of anybody that gives us s**t, especially if we can grab a bunch of their oil while we’re at it.  People don’t get it.  We grab enough oil there, gas prices go down here. That’s what Trump’s bones are telling him”

There was a disgruntled group of MAGA followers who are so upset with Trump’s decisions during his second term they all had one thing in common.  They regretted ever voting for him.  Fred Finster, an unemployed building maintenance worker, probably expressed the feelings of this faction best.  “That m****r f****r is a lying sack of s**t who’s done just the opposite of what he promised to do.  Thanks to that stupid son of a b***h I got no health insurance, can’t afford gas or groceries, while he’s milking millions from a bunch of rich p***ks having  fancy dinners  at his f*****g Florida palace.   He’s a corrupt, money grubbing piece of s**t and you wanna know who’s the deep state?  He’s the deep state.  Deep in the Epstein files. He and his justice department cronies, doing everything they can to cover that s**t up.  Which do I favor, guts or bones?  He can take his guts and bones and shove ’em up his ass.  As far as I’m concerned his thinking gets shuffled of to his  d**k.  Little girls and big t****d porn stars. That and stuffing his pockets.  That’s what controls his thinking.

Marge Muffinger (pictured), represents the liberal, conciliatory wing of the Fred Finster position.  

“WTF were you thinking,?” is what the world is asking the United States.  That’s the question into which you can fold all the others: What are the goals, the end game, how long will this war last, is a ground invasion upcoming, will regime change and forfeiture of nuclear material be objectives, is the Strait of Hormus truly open as the Secretary of Excursion claims?  Will the president be gifting MAGA baseball caps to dignitaries to wear at future “dignified transfer” of deceased soldiers ceremonies?

This Iran mess is an embarassing shit show our nation is forced to watch.  At this point no one knows how many acts the play has.  That unfortunaely is up to the producer/ director, Donald J. Trump.  As is his want, the financers of his  billion dollars a day production, the tax paying public, were never consulted about any of it.  Over the week end Trump put out a plea for help from China, France, the United Kingdom, Japan and  South Korea to help secure the Strait of Hormuz.  That’s got to be killing him.  This is his war. He is loath to share the limelight with anyone, but now that his overseas “excursion” has imploded with Iran’s choking off 20% of the world’s fossil fuel supply and peripheral commodities, he is hoping someone out there can save his bacon.   Without assurances of some kind of end game from him, I doubt many leaders of other countries will be willing to give Trump anything more than the middle finger for causing all the chaos.  After 10 years of  insulting and threatening our allies, he shouldn’t count on much else.

There are so many questions that need to be backfilled with answers here.  Why in the world does Trump keep appointing two real estate developers like Kushner and Witkoff to be point people for delicate negotiations with foreign adversaries ? This isn’t like his dealings with a friendly Arab country where in the end there might be something in it for him.   Reporting is revealinjg Witkoff was in way over his head.  Who was all involved in advising Trump?  Surely Joint Cheifs General Cain had to have warned him that provoking Iran haphazardly was a bad idea. Did anyone else in the room point out the adverse scenarios likely to occur without proper planning and understanding of a political regime with an entrenched religious ideology?  Will there be congressional inquiries if Democrats have a majority after mid term elections?  Since national security was likely to be involved, was DNI Tulsi Gabbard included in discussions or was she too busy with her new domestic duties supervising voting interference?

Although it seems questionable there was any kind of Iranian threat that required a first strike, like most freedom loving people I certainly didn’t feel sorry for those members of the Iranian leadership who were killed in the war’s initial hours. Iran’s theocratic government retains its authority by intimidation and medieval cruelty.  It’s the world’s most observable example of all the bad things that happen when you combine the powers of church and state.  Iran is an international pariah and under normal circumstances most morally reflective people would commend Trump for his bold action.  But he created, all by himself, completely abnormal circumstances.

Two of the most prominent goals Trump promoted early on were to eliminate Iran’s nuclear capability and establish a regime change.  In all the hype about the success of the bombing campaign neither one of those objectives can be claimed as achieved.  As Trump must have finally figured out, accomplishing those goals, as well as total victory,  will require troops on the ground.  Unfortunately I don’t think  he understands, or even cares, about the predicament he has foisted upon the general population of Iran.  Before this war they were politically and socially repressed, but now the Revolutionary Guard is so paranoid people can’t leave there homes without being questioned while a rifle is pointed at their head.

Attention to  public beseachment is how all of this started-  a social media alarm from a distraught Iranian mother urging Trump to save her son  from execution .  That’s all it took.  Forget in depth logistical planning and ignore any professional advice about examples of past conflicts that have been embarassing and costly failures.  Trump is going to save the day, so it’s bombs away!  He has become drunk with power and feels our extraordinarily competent military is his to use personally.

A regime change in Iran would benefit the entire planet.  Most of the international community would agree, and Trump is right in that many countries have a vested interest in the transactional events of Iran. He called attention to that fact during his public beg for help.  But there is no way he should expect a leader of any country to send their ships and sailors to the Strait of Hormuz where they would be sitting ducks, especially when he is the one who initiated the conflict.  However, any planning for regime change in Iran should involve other countries.   Bombing the shit out of it will not accomplish that without complimentary and bloody involvement of a large infantry force, and Americans are fed up with hubristic unilateral commitment by our government  A combined force of international troops is the only feasable way for foreign powers to overthrow the Islamic Republic.

You want to solve the Iranian problem, you need international help.  So where is Trump’s so called Board of Peace in all of this?.  Did he consult with those guys?  Surely heavyweights like Albania, Armenia, and United Arab Emirates would step up with some manpower.

Just kidding.   As Chairman for Life of that organization Trump is more interested in the billion dollar initiation fee he collects and personally oversees.  The “Peace” part is whimsical fantasy. And sadly in all likelyhood so is any international commitment of troops now, and probably ever.  What the people of Iran have to look forward to because of Trump’s egomaniacal incompetence is more of the same or the upheaval of civil war.  It is logical to expect the country to experience internal chaos and mass migration.  And people  in the United States should prepare for an uptick in terroristic threats.  That preparation should involve re-hiring all the  security personnel who specialize in that kind of work who were fired or reassigned by the Trump administration.

The only other way, the realistic way, there will be a regime change in Iran is if the  80% of the Iranian people who are suppressed do it themselves.  That is where things stood, right before Trump started blasting away.  Maybe if Trump had sent professional negotiators  instead of  Witkoff, we wouldn’t be in this mess.  A succesful revolution takes a significant, agreeable population, which Iran has.  It also takes internal leadership that can unify, organize and mobilize against the government, and somehow clandestinely  procure weapons.  That will require ingenuity, and courageous resolve and if it does happen in Iran, it will take time to evolve.  I am certainly no expert, but I believe our involvement should be with undercover intelligence and covert support, the shady shit we have at least sometimes been good at in recent times backing rebelious unrest.  Independently dropping bombs, not so much.