IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM ON HIGH:  our savior’s commination

HOLY SHIT!!!  What a fool I am.  Mr. Trump the Most Powerful One in the Universe, I am really, really sorry I did not vote for you.  Really.  I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.  How did I miss the signs?.  You live way up in the heavens and descended through the clouds on a gleaming silver escalator.  That orange halo around your head. Lots of people call what you have accomplished a miracle.  Count me in there.  I am hopeful you will find it in your heart to forgive me.  Unlike all those other people with their heads up their ass, I see where I went wrong and admit it.  I realize I will be outed anyway after the Russians tap into our voting records.  Nice to have those guys on your side.  Smart move.  But if you think about it, I kind of  deserve a break.  I know you didn’t win the popular vote, but the electoral count is what matters.  We all know that.  Boy did you get that straightened out.  Like you said, that thing is a rigged piece of shit.  So many things are rigged.  The whole system as a matter of fact.  The RNC, DNC, the FBI, the media, polls, debates, endorsements, and I’m not sure but possibly cats and trees.  You name it.  And you got it all fixed.  That’s what you can do when you are the Most Powerful One in the Universe.  I see that now.  So what I am thinking is just count my vote in the part that doesn’t matter- the popular vote.  Honestly, so much voting goes on I bet I voted for you at some point.  Sometimes I drink a little too much.

I hope you’ll go easy on this preacher that dared criticize you.  Boy what balls!  Whoever it is sounds a little old school, but you know it was your idea to send this woman to deliver your imperious decree, and sometimes that just grates on a man.  You know how that goes.  No one’s better at keeping a gal in her place than you.  Please don’t think I’m telling you what to do, but I believe Steve Bannon would have been a much more effective disciple to relay your wishes.  You sure did get your money’s worth with that fellow.  You’d be hard pressed to find another that could do a better job keeping all the inferiors feel subjugated.  People have learned the hard way that your order of things must not be trifled with.   Remember too, this cleric is all churchified, as many of us are, and there is that sticky business with the ten commandments we all get worked up about.  To be honest with you I am all for a new set of rules.  I’m on your team with that all right.  My neighbor has a pretty nice extension ladder I have been coveting for a very long time, not to mention his wife.  Hubba hubba!  She might not be what you would call a ten, but man what a set of knockers.  I know you would approve.  I’m not at all adverse to some convenient lying and cheating here and there either.  Thanks for all the great tips!

I am curious about something though.  With all the womanizing and grabbing this and that, do you ever worry that a big dose of the clap might grab onto you?  What is wrong with me.  You are the Most Powerful One in the Universe. You’re not just a smidgen powerful.  I bet you can rid yourself of  those nasty spirochetes and chancres with the wave of your tiny hand.  It’s the sort of thing Jesus used to do to help out all those lepers.  I just know there’s gotta be some more Jesus stuff in you.

What I am suspecting is those tricks might come in handy to take care of the pesky commitment you made to be the president for all Americans.  I have to admit your tax proposals and deft gathering of ex Goldman Sachs and Wall Street execs into your circle of financial advisors is just what the chosen few need to make their lives more pleasant.  You have to be proud of how you will be taking care of them.  And of course it goes without saying you should take care of yourself, the Most Powerful One in the Universe.  How your idea to create governmental  positions for family members and use political information to stuff your pockets would bother anyone is just plain ridiculous.   I can’t believe all the stink up over that.  It’s the absolute best way to remain the Most Powerful One in the Universe for Pete’s sake.  Geezuz it doesn’t take a genius to see that.

I was wondering how you plan to help out those of us who reside on the pavement below though.  People absolutely marvel at how you put all those undocumented workers to good use assembling your palace in the sky without hardly  paying them.  Of course!  It’s  the loaves and fishes deal isn’t it?  I’de throw in the water into wine thing but it kind of looks like anything  drinkable might be in short supply after you enact your environmental policies.  I know you have your eye on eliminating food stamps, so I bet your plan is to make things better all around with a universal but bare bones version of Meals on Wheels.  You might keep in mind that people will likely get tired of all the carp and bread though.

God and you know how all the pushing and shoving of this election have taken a toll.  I think it would help you immensely to get away from it all and relax.  Someplace really quiet and secluded.  I have a good friend who has a boat, and I bet he would be glad to drop you off somewhere nice.  How does the middle of Lake Superior sound?  The walk back to shore should be just what you need to reenergize.

 

Like half the country I was absolutely stunned with the election results this November.  If there is a bright side to it for me it is I can say I told you so.  No, I did not vote for Donald Trump.  As of this point in time I still consider him to be an opportunistic, egomaniacal scum bag and can’t see that opinion ever changing.  But you have to hand it to him for taking advantage of the opportunistic part of that description.  This whole thing is a reaction of the masses that has been gradually percolating inside of our socio-economic beaker, and it was Donald Trump who provided the catalyst for the explosion of revolt.

People are fed up. I mentioned that in my book “Fishing with Bobby and Mike” that i wrote three years ago.  I know you read it.  You just probably skimmed over that chapter and weren’t really paying attention.  You should get your shit together and maybe do some on-line memory improvement training.  OK I can’t take full credit for foreseeing our revolution.  My well weathered, favorite economist Robert Reich was the one who opened my eyes to what was on the horizon.  Three years ago he said unless we get big money out of politics we won’t be able to do anything that makes sense in this country.  More profoundly, he said he was absolutely confident that we will reach a tipping point, that you and I will at last have had enough and take back the power of the people that has been usurped by the wealthy one percent.  That, I am hoping, is where we are.  Undoubtedly there is that uninformed segment of this groundswell that will interpret the outcome of this election as validation of their misguided, backward prejudices.  But what I really think, and hope, is that the majority of those who voted for Donald Trump did so out of their own economic self interest, rather than any racial resentment, that it is time to make government understand we are all sick and tired of its dysfunction, and as Mr. Reich projected, the time has come for the ridiculously wealthy elite to recognize their selfish motivation.

Donald Trump has labeled his campaign a “movement.”  which, if you paid attention to what I have just expressed, seems pretty accurate.  What I can’t get my head around is how he became the leader of this movement.  An egomaniacal, racist, tax-dodging, misogynistic con-artist who cheats contractors and employees out of rightful payment,  and lives his pampered, elitist life inside of a palatial penthouse with floor to ceiling  gold decor seems like an unlikely champion of such a cause. Adding to the perplexity is the fact that the largest gains of his proposed tax plan go to, you guessed it, the wealthy 1%.   But he somehow pulled it off, and he certainly deserves to run his victory lap.

                                    

Relaxing in the Trump Living Room                                 Relaxing in My Living Room

Here’s the thing though.  The victory was so complete Mr. Trump now has a public mandate and has no excuse to disappoint since he professes to be the supreme deal maker and fixer of all things.  He has his work cut out for him.  The following is a list of the things he said he will accomplish, which judged from the number of times the topic was mentioned by Mr. Trump during the campaign, is arranged in what I believe should be a close order of importance to his most fervent supporters:

1. Build a border wall with Mexico*  2.  Make Mexico pay for that wall.  3. Deport all illegal immigrants*.  4. Dismantle Obamacare and replace it with something better**  5.  Amend or otherwise tidy up the constitution so he can ban foreign nationals who are Muslim.  6. Destroy ISIS***  7. Renegotiate or suspend ratification of all international trade agreements. 8. Dramatically increase military spending  9. Make NATO pay for U.S. assistance.  10.  Dismantle the Iranian nuclear arms deal.  11. Rebuild and improve every aspect of infrastructure.  12. Double the national GDP.  And unlucky #13.  Lock her up.****

*1 and 3 are apparently so extremely important to a small but possibly overly zealous set of Trump backers that  the group has threatened to shoot him if he does not produce results. (See my previous blog Reap What You Sow).

**To be accomplished in Mr. Trump’s first 100 days in office

*** It is not clear how long this will take Mr. Trump.  The time frame is whatever “so fast it will make your head spin” is.

**** Because this was hands down the most often repeated refrain during Trump rallies you might think it should reside in the number one spot, but in considering my personal data for this list  more weight was given to how many times Mr. Trump actually muttered the words.

There are about sixty other items Mr. Trump has promised to take care of in four years. These mere thirteen certainly represent a bold agenda, and there are a couple on this priority list I wouldn’t mind seeing addressed.  Who doesn’t want state-of-the-art infrastructure and a robust GDP.  But half the things just on this abbreviated list will require a lot of money and Mr. Trump has avoided discussion of that sticky subject.  His reverse Robin Hood tax plan is projected to create an even bigger national debt.  His only answer is when he gets things rolling, job growth will be off the charts.  However, those jobs probably will be insignificant because practically every economist consulted believes Trump’s trade policies will trigger an international trade war that will result in a national recession.  And there is the hard reality that many of the jobs Mr. Trump promised to bring back to America simply no longer exist in our 21st century world.  They will never come back.  Ever.

Mr. Trump has already pissed all over the dignity of the presidential office.  It remains to be seen if he and the people he surrounds himself with will exhibit self control and enough common sense to govern intelligently and not shit on the constitution.  Honest to God I am hopeful this man succeeds in being a good president.  To do that,  he will have to start by explaining to those supporters bent on taking his election as validation for racial insults and persecution that they are wrong and it will not be tolerated.  Most people will agree we need immigration reform.  A continuous border wall with Mexico seems impractical.  Deporting 11 million immigrants is inconceivable.  Providing sensible solutions to the problem now that he has made these irrational promises is something Mr. Trump will have to supply or not supply at his own risk.  He has been elected to be our leader.  He needs to lead us forward, not backward to the hatred of the 1950’s.

There is one aspect of going backwards which does merit attention.  It applies to the very thing that got us to this current,  precarious stage in our democratic, capitalistic experiment.  It is the avaricious shifting of income inequality in this country.  Middle class Americans shared in business profits in the 1950’s.   Corporate profits now are used to purchase stock buybacks to impress stockholders instead of investing in employees and paying them a decent wage, and typical current salaries of upper management in today’s corporations are ridiculously overvalued.  In 1955 the average top income tax rate was 63%, and the capital gains tax was 25%.  The tax rate for the highest earners was 91%.  Imagine the good we could accomplish if those in the Donald Trump tax bracket paid their 1955’s fair share.

There are so many thoughts concerning this election that are pouring through my head, but right now all I want to pour is a big glass of scotch.