The Mueller investigation isn’t all bad news for President Trump. In fact, recent disclosures during the past week have caught the attention of the president’s supporters and he has astutely taken advantage of the situation. Things started to unexpectedly turn in the president’s favor when two witches who were arrested last week decided to “flip” and spill their guts. During intense interrogation of the suspects rounded up in what is being labeled as the “witch hunt arm” of the investigation, witches Desdemona Dark and Bovina Dudd disclosed some startling information.
Both witches more or less confirmed that indeed, as the president suspected, there likely was a spy implanted in the Trump presidential campaign. Though neither of the witches knows for certain if the spy they are referring to is a government agent, both are positive something even more sinister is involved. They contend that the spy is a male witch. Known to them only by the name of “Shadow,” the two women stated they had attended several sorceror conventions and retreats together and at first both judged him to be an upstanding and first rate witch. As time progressed however, they felt he was “completely out of sorts” and” just not right.”
According to Dark and Dudd, early in the 2016 presidential campaign Mr. Shadow met Kellyanne Conway at a political rally and was immediately attracted to her. Thinking she had the potential to become his perfect companion in love as well as sorcery, flirtation evolved into fixated infatuation. Initially spurned by Mrs. Conway, Mr. Shadow pursued her relentlessly. The day before the Indiana primary in May of 2016, Dudd and Dark were deep in the forrest collecting fro
gs and newts, when they ran into Mr. Shadow at a favorite bog. That is when the two female witches become suspicious of Mr. Shadow’s intentions. He inadvertently revealed that he was looking for a particular species of serpent’s tongue, and that was an immediate tip-off that he was concocting a spell- binding love potion called a philtre. Dark and Dudd became exceedingly alarmed, for philtre’s are strictly forbidden in modern sorcery.
Witches Dark and Dudd at a Recent Fetish Auction
Attending to their caldron one afternoon a month later, Dark and Dudd’s worst fears were confirmed. While they were watching a televised news clip of a Trump campaign rally in New Jersey, they both are certain they saw Mr. Shadow and Mrs. Conway holding hands off stage. Although using a philtre as a means to achieve romantic conquest is what Dunn and Dark found primarily disturbing, what Representative Devin Nunes uncovered is what is politically and criminally relevant.
Upon investigating Mr. Shadow’s background, Congressman Nunes heard from an undisclosed source who heard it from another guy that when Mr. Shadow’s father was a child, he would eat nothing but Post Toasties, a breakfast cereal which at that time had published on the back side of the box information that enticed the nation’s children to join the “Junior G-Mens club,” an organization created to promote youth law enforcement interest, but was eventually revealed to be a surreptitious tool for future FBI recruitment. Not only that, Nunes has almost absolute proof that Mr. Shadow himself at one time told a grade-school acquaintance that when he grew up he was going to be an FBI agent- or a fireman. Nunes is convinced this damning information proves there was an FBI connection. In light of that and the reported witch misconduct, Nunes is convinced that the regular arm of the Mueller investigation is corrupt and is demanding it’s dissolution.
Shortly after this startling story broke, investigative authorities launched an intensive search for Mr
. Shadow, but can find no trace of the mysterious witch. Though Mrs. Conway stated she knows Mr. Shadow, she regards him as just a casual acquaintance and has denied culpability. She has been asked to take a temporary leave of absence however.
Anyone who knows the whereabouts of Mr. Shadow (pictured at left) is asked to contact their local police department
Seizing unexpected opportunity, President Trump has been sending a barrage of tweets the past few days, each condemning all those who served in the FBI and/or engaged in witchcraft during the Obama administration, as well as assuring his dedicated followers that sometimes a witch hunt isn’t so bad.
President Trump’s attorney Rudy Giuliani wasted no time to point out the obvious. “To paraphrase our great President Lincoln,” Mr. Guilliani stated during his Fox News interview yesterday, “you can fool some of the people all the time, all the people some of the time, but you can never fool our base. We know what’s going on here and it’s spying. And a witch spy, well that’s unheard of. That’s as low as it gets. Who knows what spells and hexes are floating around now. Sometimes, you know I get these feelings, like I just feel– off. For no reason. Could that witch be responsible? Maybe. Like whenever I say some of that stupid stuff that makes President Trump look like a Russian lackey or a lecherous whoremonger. You have to think there is a good chance it’s the work of the witches. I tell you they are up to no good.”
Related Story: FBI Nabs Coven of Witches
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