A massive spike in reports of fraudulent activity has the entire nation on edge.  In the last few days there have been over 90,000 incidents of non-deliverd Social Security checks, at least 120,000 hacked checking accounts, and more than 700,000 people have filed stolen identity complaints.  Recent activity by some of the computer programers that Elon Musk assigned to breach the U.S. Treasury Department’s data  base  has  raised  suspicion.

Nineteen year and recent high school grad  Steve Vanity  was the first to raise an alarm when he was seen this week driving a Lamborghini Huracan.  Later, after police raided an under-age drinking party in his hometown, 42 of his former classmates were found in possesion of fake identification.

Twenty one year old Irvin Maskovitz, until recently know only as the “campus nerd” at his local college, was surprising admitted to Alpha Gammu Mu, the most notoriously hedonistic fraternity at the school.  He was  granted a pass on normal pledging and hazing customs and  immediately elected chapter treasurer after he arranged for the purchase of a 20 bedroom mansion at the edge of the school’s property.

During an impromptu press conference today President Trump assured everyone that these and  all reports about any nefarious activity by Elon Musk or his associates  were fabricated,  the work of witches, and of course hoaxes generated by the enemy of the people.

Steve Vanity                        Irvin Maskovitz