After insisting that the GOP controlled Texas legislature institute a mid-census election redistricting of their state and demanding congress prohibit all future mail in voting, President Trump issued an executive order that prohibits anyone that is not a registered Republican from voting in all future elections. When asked about the constitutionality of such a drastic requirement, press secretary Karoline Leavitt stated that the president felt that since he has the power to do anything he wants, this measure would simplify the entire voting process by tasking only true patriotic citizens with the precious right to vote. “You can understand how silly it is to jump through all these redistricting and specific voting method hoops when the president can just help the great citizens of this country out by providing a simplified voting system,” she said. Leavitt went on to say that as a bonus the president went even further in the simplification process by generously offering his gold card as an even more convenient way to vote. Perchasing the $100.00 card and presenting it to poll workers will allow any registered Republican to forgo the tedious identification and signature details at voting sites.

Your red MAGA hat will also serve as your ID at the polling booth. ICE agents will escort those without the appropriate headgear to a seat on a nearby airport shuttle.