Recent confrontations with proding female legacy reporters have caught the president a bit flat footed. Usually quick to come up with an insulting nickname for the gals that dare criticize him, this attribute failed to engage during his meeting with Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman. When ABC reporter Mary Bruce peppered him with questions about his conflict of interest dealings with Saudi Arabia, and the Crown Prince’s involvement in the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi, Trump characteristically went on a rant but noticeably did not interject a sophomoric nickname for Ms. Bruce. He did utilize his fall back move, threatening to revoke the broadcasting license of ABC television. But the whole episode seemed to fall flat without Trump’s intemperate middle school name calling.
Just a few days before when a female reporter on Air Force One started to ask him about the Epstein files, Trump let it be known he would have none of it. In true Trumpian fashion, he yelled “quiet piggy,” sending a clear message to all lowly female reporters none should trifle with the most powerful man in the world.
Feeling he might have lost his touch after the Bruce confrontation, he thought he needed to step up his game. Since the “piggy” slur had landed so well with MAGA members, Steven Miller suggested a zoo visit might be just the ticket. He thought observing animals in their synthetic environments would offer inspiration, and of course it would be a relaxing divergence from the rigors of the golf course.
All indications are the trip was a resounding success. The elephants, hippos and apes were mentally bookmarked for quick reference when a quick physically degrading insult should be required in the future. The childrens petting zoo harbored obvious possibilities . Since Trump is not inclined to duplicate nickname creations, little time was spent observing the two pigs (i.e. “piggy”) or shetland pony (i.e. “horseface'”). But Trump felt the donkey, cow and goat had significant potiential and were introspectively catalogued.
To complete a very gratifying day, the president instructed VP Vance and Secretary Rubio to scour the enclosed pen for retrievable animal excrement and engage in a competive game of “dodge scat”. After a few minutes of hillarious enjoyment, the president lost interest, and he and Steve Miller headed for the exit, notifying Vance and Rubio they would have to find their own return transportation.