Category Archives: Politics

ATTENTION: Big Fire Sale at Trump White House- Don’t Miss Out!

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Ok.  A “bit miffed” is hardly how I feel about this shit Government for Sale.  What is going on here?  Is it possible that the man governing the county is this brazen?  The guy who’s speeches at every one of his political rallies past and present contains anti-China rhetoric that inflames the attending masses into jingoistic hysteria.  The guy that professes we must take away jobs in China and bring them back home.  The guy that threatens to punish countries that do any business with Iran or North Korea. That guy?  And on top of it with this maneuver Trump chooses to discard the warnings of U.S intelligence sources that the phones mentioned could be used to conduct espionage.   I guess its’ OK to ignore inconvenient U.S. law and national security and change political/trade policy course  as long as the pay-off is more money into the president’s pocket.  Somehow Trump has managed to avoid addressing the hypocrisy of  using foreign labor to manufacture his branded products.  But this!  WTF!

Then there is this Pay for Play  Unbelievable.  A little less than a year ago when a Qatar  billionaire and former prime minister of the country declined to invest in the Kurshner’s financial albatross, all of a sudden the Trump administration threw support behind the embargo that Saudi Arabia and three other regional countries instituted against Qatar.  Now that the the Kushner’s have essentially persuaded a Qatar backed investment company to bail them out, all is well and President Trump has instructed the middle eastern states that are blockading Qatar to end the sanctions.

This is absolutely in-your-face corruption, and you could easily call the Kushner case extortion.  Both of these exploitive developments just recently occurred, within days of each other.  But there is no kind of lingering discussion about any of it, because, once again, the news cycle involving the Trump administration is diverted by yet more scandal and attempted obstruction. Every time one door of the Mueller investigation appears to be closing, another one opens up.  The list of characters involved in campaign intrigue grows longer every week.  How Giuliani can make a demand that Mueller wind up his investigation is absurd.  The loose ends that keep cropping up are evolving into a Gordian Knott.  From my perspective unraveling this mess could go on for years.

Unless the investigator is really, really good.  Which brings me to my personal conspiracy theory.  Mueller is that good and Trump knows it.  It’s the only explanation I can think of that would propel Trump to contradict entrenched policies of his that stoke his base of support.  And the Kushner thing should not be ignored.  Father and son have been scouring the world to find someone to save them from bankruptcy, and Qatar has thrown them a life-line.  The end is near, but so what?  Trump connections have salvaged his son-in-law’s business, and the president might as well personally cash in at every opportunity before the roof caves in.  What’s going to happen?  Kushner’s have a signed agreement with a Qatar investment firm, and basically whatever schemes Trump can come up with to pile up personal wealth will be untouchable.  He might as well keep milking the cash cow  while he still can.

The good news here if you are disgusted with the Trump presidency is it really appears Mueller has something on Trump he will not be able to deny.  Whether it is collusion, corruption, obstruction, conspiracy, treason, or egregious financial misconduct, Trump’s Gordian Knot of malfeasance  is so complicated that at its untying there is bound to be something personally embarrassing.  One thing for sure.  Whatever the outcome of the Muller investigation, Trump and his family will be laughing all the way to the bank.

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Recent Polling Tilting in President’s Favor

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Last week’s polling results seem to indicate President Trump’s favorability ratings are on the upswing.   Though his Vehemently Enthusiastic numbers slipped 2 percentage points into the Mildly Disappointed range, it would appear that modest decline is offset by the dramatic 12 point shift from the Despondently Suicidal upward to the slightly less unfavorable Mind-numbingly Apathetic.  It is unclear if these polling deviations were due to recent intensive investigative probing or if there is some kind of psychological adaptation occurring.  Those polled were asked to give a response to several questions related to the president’s governing policy, administration, and past and present conduct.  Topics covered included:

Nepotism and related corruption, repetitive failure of administrative officials to complete federal disclosure forms,  Stormy Daniels, cover-up, hush money, rampant cabinet corruption and abuse of power, bloated personal and family travel expenses, Russian involvement in democratic processes, campaign involvement with Russians, obstruction of justice,  personal involvement with Russians,  the Mueller investigation in general, hypocrisy of Asian production of Trump products,  administrative staff turn-over, administrative staff incompetence, ignoring proper personnel vetting processes, Access Hollywood tape, hiring former lobbyists, the Steele dossier,  Karen McDougal, juvenile name-calling and bullying, Steve Bannon, personal “fixer” Michael Cohen, political/personal conflicts of interest, violations of the emoluments clause, refusal to release  tax records, tax evasion, Carl Icahn, condoning insider trading,  admiration of diabolical despots, professional hiring/firing practices, grasp of basic domestic policy, grasp of basic foreign policy, mocking the physically handicapped,  inconsistent Middle East military strategy,  multiple sexual assault allegations, reading competency level, incomprehensible ability to convince white evangelical Christians to abandon Christian principles, understanding of scientific data and inquiry, acceptance of responsibly, Paul Manafort, money laundering, distorting reality, paranoiac criticism of media and law enforcement, obsessive/compulsive television viewing, creepy physical attraction to daughter Ivanka, incoherent rants and tweets, inability to tell the truth, threats against political opponents, threats against common citizens, demonizing minorities, condoning activity of known hate groups, demolishing public safety safeguards, expansion of religious exemptions to anti-discrimination protections, James Comey, undoing expansion of overtime pay,  endangering worker safety, stifling consumer protection agencies and thwarting financial industry safeguards, hypocritical hiring of undocumented workers, concealing White House visitor log, withholding DC Trump hotel documents, Michael Flynn, narcissistic and self-congradulatory rhetoric, multiple bankruptcies, stiffing creditors and contractors, tenant intimidation, housing discrimination, mafia ties, Trump University fraud, inordinate number of golfing excursions, self-dealings of Trump Foundation, estate tax repeal and other tax breaks for the wealthy, misleading the public about who benefits from tax plan, lying about how tax plan affects personal finances, duping the general public by insisting Mexico will pay for a border wall, caving to hedge funds and private equity firms, massive cuts to student aid, allowing big companies to pollute our air and water and otherwise inflict irreparable damage to the natural world.

When people were asked how they were able to extract themselves from the group considering suicide, poll participant Troy Smuckers suggested folks do what he did and enlist the help of a local mental health facility.   “It’s all pretty overwhelming and I came real close,” he said.  “Fortunately I got in touch with Steve at the Trump Help Line downtown and he said what has been helping a lot of people is simply taking a 20 pound sledge hammer and knocking out a wall of their house.  Guess what?  Steve was right!  Now that huge hole in the side of my house is a lot bigger problem then all this fucking bullshit Trump is shit-staining the country with.  Ya. I feel pretty damn good!”

 

Mr. Smuckers attributes his more positive outlook on life to the purchase of a 20 lb sledge.

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Facebook Shenanigans

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As you are now well aware one of the best places around to get fake news is right here on Facebook.  Well guess what?  Apparently my fake news is too fakey or not fakey enough, or something.  My secret sources are telling me they never saw my last two posts.  Something fishy is going on here.  I am reposting both- Trump Organization To Test Lucrative Pornography Market and White House Tragedy    If you enjoy great fake news click on these links. You don’t want to miss out.  I know Facebook is in the process of taking measures to restrict bad fake news, but my fake news is the most honest fake news you can get.   I intend to get to the bottom of this and if I smell discrimination believe you me there will be hell to pay.  You deserve the best  fake news and as always I am committed to delivering it.

                                     

Purveyor of shitty fake news                      Count on me for accurate fake news

Chronological Newspaper Snippets of White House Tragedy

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PRESIDENT TRUMP FOUND DEAD- FOUL PLAY SUSPECTED (Wednesday AM edition)

This morning the nation received the shocking news that the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, died sometime last night.  President Trump’s lifeless body was discovered by the White House butler, Farnsworth Stuffington, at 6:42 am.  Mr. Stuffington mentioned in his official statement  that he became alarmed when the president failed to open his bedroom door to receive his customary breakfast of sausage, bacon, biscuits and gravy and diet Coke.   “He was just lying there stone cold on his back, with that half-eaten cheeseburger clutched in his hand,” Mr. Stuffington said.

 

WH butler Farnsworth Stuffington

The FBI and local DC police were immediately summoned.  Something of particular interest to law enforcement seems to be that half-eaten cheeseburger.  It was taken into custody and held for toxicology testing. ” I’m not accusing the cheeseburger of anything nefarious,” stated FBI agent Boyd Badgeman.  “But the president just passed his physical with flying colors.  Something’s just not right here.”

White House communications staff reported that lab test results should be available in a few days.   Funeral arrangements are pending until a full investigation and possible autopsy are performed.  President Trump’s wife Melania, who has refused to share living quarters with the president until he agrees to undergo a complicated medical fumigation procedure, has been living in an undisclosed location and could not immediately be reached for comment.

A cheeseburger similor to one at left might have been involved in sudden death of president

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POLICE SWITCHBOARDS SWAMPED WITH SELF-ACCUSATORIAL PHONE CALLS (Wednesday PM edition)

Within minutes of media reports of President Trump’s death, dozens of local McDonalds employees called various law enforcement offices to admit criminal involvement.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” said DC Police Chief Thomas Tueguns.  “McDonalds managers, grill cooks, cash register clerks, one after another, from thirteen different McDonalds locations here, and two in Pennsylvania.  The FBI got a call from a McDonalds employee in Michigan.  They all say they slipped something into the president’s cheeseburger. Emergency switchboards were tied up with these crazy calls all day long,” Chief Tueguns added in exasperation.     ************************************************************************

MULTIPLE SUSPECTS INTERROGATED FOR PRESIDENTIAL THREATS (Thursday PM edition)

Less than 36 hours after President Trump passed away, law enforcement has interviewed  nearly all of those who criminally implicated themselves in his death.  So far 42 McDonalds employees have been detained and held for questioning for threats against the president.  The following are a few  excerpts of recorded remarks of some of these people who work in the DC area:

Dale Swift (grill cook- Washington Harbor location):  I hate the stupid son of a bitch.  I mean, you can take just so much.  I did it and I’m glad I did it!  Lock me up for life.  It’s worth it.

Kra’Vontre Williams (french fry monitor/cashier- Massachusetts Ave location):  You think I’m not smart enough to slip some poison in his burger?  Why you think you be waitin’  twenty minutes for your fries?  I don’t just, like, disappear you know.  I’m back helpin’, pullin’ shit from the freezer.  Hell I could poison anyone I wanted to.  Stupid cracker was gonna get us all nuked. Says he’s all safe and shit at McDonalds.  Guess I showed him.

Timothy Buttersweat (night manager- Wisconsin Ave SW location):  I’m night manager now, but it won’t be long before they promote me to daytime, once they find out about this.  It wasn’t me personally, but let me tell you I have a very dedicated team.  I don’t know which one of them did it, but I am extremely proud of whoever it was.  At least twice a week I would meet with everyone that was closing down with me and we would go over the plan.  See, like everywhere we have our share of vermin running around, so there’s rat poison all over the place.  You just quick-step to the back and grab one of those poison trays and sprinkle a good bit on his burger.  That pompous turd drove by here in his limo at least once a week. He couldn’t resist our cheeseburgers and thought he was safe here.  It was just a matter of time.

Michael “Spike” Sullenrascal (grill cook- East 104th St location):  What a stupid fucker!  He thought we couldn’t poison him?  HA!  Shows ya what a moron he was. I got so sick a’ that bastard flying’ off to his snooty golf courses.  Putter-in-chief, that’s what he was.  Gonna bring back all those jobs from China.  Hell, his businesses probably got jobs.  Instead a’ slinging’ burgers I guess I wouldn’t mind a job at one a’ his places. Only thing is, in order to get to work in the morning, you have ta take a long boat ride— to CHINA!  Fuckin’ scumbag.   You bet I poisoned him. I was ready for him.  Kept my little bottle of strychnine handy right in my pocket.  Here.  Bottle’s right here. I dumped all the poison on his burger so it’s empty now.  What more proof do you want?  I know Jerry is trying to take the credit, but you don’t see no strychnine on him do ya?  I did it, you know it, and I’m the one that deserve all the credit.

Jerry Weaseling (french-fry monitor- East 104th St location)- Oh boy did I do it!  Piece of cake too.  We all got a good laugh out of president Chito spoutin’ off how he’s all afraid of cheeseburgers unless they’re made right here. What a dip-shit!  Now I know you guys been talkin’ to Spike, but he’s full of crap.  All talk, believe me.  That aint strychnine he’s carrying around.  Hell it’s probably just powdered sugar.  Check it out if you don’t believe me.  I’m the one has the concentrated jimmy jones juice. No way I’d be walking around with that shit though.  I stashed it in a special place and just waited for ol’ Trumpty Dumpty to show up.  Man, you’d have to be crazy to take  the risk totin’ that nasty stuff in your pocket.  But Spike really aint crazy.  He’s shifty but he aint crazy.  You can’t believe him. I mean it. He’s all talk.  I’m the one.  I did it and It’s me that deserves the credit.

La’Dee’da Rubright (drive-through attendant- East 39 St location):  Everyone said I gotta do it.  Even my gran momma.  If Trump ever comes in your place girl, you just GOT-TO-DO-IT!  That’s what everyone kept sayin’ cause we all know he’s crazier than a sprayed cockroach.  Sure enough, he pulled right up in his big fancy limousine and ordered a couple cheeseburgers.  I had my special salt shaker all ready.  Keep it hidden behind a stack of paper bags.  Arsenic what’s in it.  Heck you can get it right on Amazon.  My boyfriend said it would never work.  He said the president would figure it out, or like he has some food taster hangin’ around or somethin’.  But I guess that shit worked out pretty damn slick didn’t it?  Planted his fat ass right in the ground.

Jose Ramirez-Gonzalez-Ramirez (grill cook- 14 St SW location):  Si, si.  I deed it.  He send the ICE out and they grab my mother.  Trump- he is bad hombre.   He muy loco if he think a burger I make for heem is safe to eat.  Mexican cooks, they say- una hamburguesa de Trump es uno hamburguesa de muerte.  We are, like, brothers, compenaros.  And we are many.

Adding to the bazaar circumstances that have developed is the fact that law enforcement is not even considering an investigation of any McDonalds business since the cheeseburger was prepared in the White House kitchen.  “The only plausible suspects would be White House staff,” Police Chief Tueguns stated. However, any threat to the President of the United States is subject to Secret Service investigation, so anyone involved in the mass admission will be interviewed and possibly prosecuted.

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VERDICT IS IN- CHEEZEBURGER NOT GUILTY! (Friday PM edition)

Toxicology tests have confirmed the cheeseburger implicated in President Trump’s death was a perfectly fine, upstanding cheeseburger as far as cheeseburgers go, and not tainted in any way.  Chief toxicologist Barry Noseworthy stated,  “Other than the fact that the cheeseburger in question was a typical saturated fat catastrophe and a bit overdone, there was nothing about it that was questionable.  As tragic and untimely as the president’s passing was, I am sure he found the portion of the cheeseburger that he managed to consume before he expired to be very satisfying.”

As the nation mourns,  esteemed televangelist Reverend Jerry Pharisaic summed up the president’s end of life most eloquently when he said, “Like all of us, this great man had his struggles with life.  He loved cheeseburgers, yet he feared them.  But through constant prayer the Lord gave him the strength to deal with this conflict and showed him the way.  Initially the president followed that path to McDonalds. But with God’s help and the president’s own valorous courage, he was able to finally face his demon. We should all take comfort in the fact that the cheeseburger meant him no harm, and that President Trump had to have really enjoyed that final cheeseburger.”

In a related matter, the district’s Chief Medical Examiner, Dr Seymour Graves,  has issued the official pathology report.  Listed as the president’s cause of death is a massive heart attack precipitated by a perilously high cholesterol diet and sedentary life style.

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The NRA, Gun Culture- and Throw the Bums Out

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This blog is mostly history of the NRA and our gun culture in general. I have tackled the subject a dozen times, but for those inclined to move on to something else for that very reason, this time I mean to be less satirical and considerably more informative.  I am suddenly optimistic that we just might have reached a tipping point in the gun control debate.  There is a lot of information here, but the last five paragraphs are strictly my opinion and certainly not as technically supportive. If you just want to read more qualified material when you reach that point, skip to the link in the second to last paragraph.  All three links in this blog  are very enlightening but long,  so I have tried to provide content abridgment, for the first two anyway, in the interest of time. I think any of you who are up for confronting your state representatives will find much of the following material useful.  

God damn it this pisses me off!  Funeral arrangements were still being made for a few of the 17 people mowed down in the Parkland FL school shooting and the CEO of the NRA is centerstage at the CPAC convention fomenting his venomous brand of propaganda.  Wayne LaPierre is truly pond scum.  And the next day the President of the United States is addressing the same crowd, reenforcing  some of Mr. LaPierre’s talking points.  Just as annoying was how he once again pandered to the audience for the applause he so desperately seeks by rehashing past state electoral victories and telling blatant lies.  However, you would think someone in an advisory capacity would inform him that getting the crowd fired up with chants of “Lock her up” might not be the best idea.  This is the sort of thinking I can’t get my head around.  Sure the sophomoric response from the crowd gives Trump a boner.  But do these people, including Trump, not see the  irony in reacting this way when what Trump is accusing Hillary Clinton of is divulging classified information.  That is exactly what he is guilty of by employing a  White House full of people who have no security clearance.  And likely on the horizon are some serious charges being leveled against him and/or his family by Robert Mueller.  They are just asking for avenging chants of “Lock him up” in 2020, if the president is even still around.

This is where we are in America.  Politics is so polarized people can’t or do not want to reason logically, and the hostility has pervaded society in general.  It’s all just nuts.  Going on and on about all this just makes people sick.  But I have a blog and venting helps me retain my sanity.  To spare you, I will try to narrow the focus of this to just one aspect- our gun culture.  And I will let others with more knowledge of the subject give you detail.  In the interest of time, I will do my best to give a synopsis of the links, because no doubt you don’t have the time to read through all of this.  Come back later and read any of the material if you have places to go.

Particularly outrageous during the CPAC convention was the accusation thrown out by Wayne LaPierre’s accomplice Dana Loesch.  She implied that mainstream media somehow orchestrates mass shootings.  It’s the type of comment that underlines what the NRA does best-  promote conspiracy theories.

    LOESCH                                            LaPIERRE

Doesn’t mind shooting her mouth off                                 Doesn’t mind if you get shot

It was not always this way with the NRA.  Politicizing their agenda is a fairly recent development.  Here is a history of the organization NRA History.  A synopsis of the article is this: The NRA dates back to just after the Civil War.  So upset were two Union officers with the marksmanship they had witnessed  during that conflict they started the organization with the intent of improving the firing efficiency of anyone interested in doing so.  As the years went by the NRA became known for its promotion of safe and proper use of firearms, often supporting the governmental restrictions of their use.  That all changed in 1975 with the creation of the group’s first lobbying arm- the Institute for Legislative Action.

That branch of the NRA progressively took over, and by the mid 1980’s the organization transformed itself from one advocating gun safety, marksmanship and hunting into an uncompromising political institution intolerant of any form of restriction and proping up its position with the ambiguity of the second amendment.

This is an article about how the NRA has manipulated the very cryptic wording of the second amendment. How NRA Rewrote 2nd Amendment.  Synopsis: As late as the mid 1990’s Gallop polling  revealed the majority of the country still wanted stricter gun control laws.  in 1991, Chief Justice Warren Burger said the second amendment was the biggest fraud perpetrated on the American people by special interest groups that he had ever seen.  But as the NRA pounded away at our sensibilities with propaganda and conspiracy theories, and by taking advantage of legal decisions that steadily opened up the spigots of political donations, somehow public opinion started to change.  Whether you are happy with the status quo or fed up with the gun culture of this country, you have the NRA to thank or blame.

The landmark 2008 Supreme Court  “Heller” decision affirmed the right of non-military individuals to possess a firearm for traditional lawful purposes. It’s the NRA’s “go-to” judicial statement they always refer to.  It was one of those 5 to 4 decisions that makes you wonder if the founding fathers got Article Three of the constitution right.  As you might know, originalist Judge Scalia wrote the majority opinion, but what is rarely discussed is his clarification.  When asked if there are restrictions embedded in the Heller decision, he said “What the opinion in Heller said is it will have to be decided in future cases… some limitations (on the right to bear arms) are permissible.”  The right to bear arms he stated, will be decided by what society determines appropriate, and it does not mean individuals have the right to bear all types of arms.

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Is the Parkland Florida massacre going to finally be the catalyst to initiate limitations?  As a society have we at last had enough tragedy to change our gun culture?  Not if this congress has anything to say about it.  It’s time to start thinking now about making a statement at the ballot box and applying what Judge Scalia was referring to. Yes, enforce current laws and improve access to mental health.  If you think violence and permissiveness are too prevalent in society, watch your damn kids.  Outlawing bump stocks, raising age limits, mandating universal background checks and coordinating  law enforcement reporting are no-brainers.  That’s a good start.  But we need to do more.   It is sickeningly obvious we have too many guns in this country.  We need only to look at every other developed country in the world to see how pathetically we compare regarding gun violence and also to study what they have done to make things better. After reviewing all the mayhem as well as the information at our disposal, it is glaring apparent we can no longer fail to address our assault rifle problem. Ordinary citizens should not be allowed to purchase military assault firearms and large capacity magazines. That is a combination of weaponry that is intended to spray rifle fire and kill human beings.

I once had a semi-automatic hunting rifle.  I enjoyed target shooting with it more than I did hunting.  But when I did hunt I do not ever recall firing more than two rounds at any poor creature I was aiming at.  A hunter does not need a military weapon that is intended to spray bullets and kill other human beings.  If you require a magazine that holds more than six rounds I would argue you should not be in the field tracking an animal.  Any decent hunter will tell you one shot is optimum.  Any more and you ruin a good portion of the meat.  And if you enjoy target shooting like I once did, fine.  By all means it makes sense to hone your skill if you are a responsible gun owner.  But you don’t need an AR-15 for the stimulation.  Get yourself a true hunting or target rifle.  Better yet, a muzzle loader that requires more work than just pulling a trigger.  The exercise will do you some good. And there are way better choices for home defense than an assault rifle. As much as I hate to say it, a hand gun makes far more sense for that.  I am  hopeful future restriction and more severe penalties for illegal use of those things will trickle down from any momentum that initial, positive gun control measures create.

So no more assault rifle sales.  But what about all the assault rifles that are already out there?  My preferred option would be to round them all up and crush them for scrap metal.  But of course that is not feasible.   For those who own one now, logically you should be “grandfathered”.  But if you do own one, it needs to be re-registered in a national data base. Believe it or not there is no such thing in this country. This is the time and this is where to start.  And I believe there should be extremely hefty legal penalties for anyone carrying one around that does not comply with any restrictions that are or will be in place.  And by carrying around I mean transporting to a firing range. That is the only place it should ever be used or publicly viewed.  I can not comprehend how the NRA succeeded in forcing open carry laws down our throats.  Allowing anyone to walk down the street toting an AR-15, or any kind of long rifle, is absurd.  We do not live in a third world country.  As society has suddenly come to grips with predatory sexual violence, we should be just as appalled by this similar form of hyper-masculinity being foisted upon us by the NRA.   I do not know much about assault rifles but if there is a way to add a substantial tax to the ammunition I say do it.  I would personally donate generously to any kind of buy-back program.  There are assault rifle owners out there that are sawing them in half.  I would gladly lend you my reciprocating saw if you are so inclined.

The answer to solving gun violence is not more guns, like the NRA preaches.  If the ridiculous idea of having our teachers packing heat does not expose the sorry state of the pathetic, dysfunctional misanthropy that the NRA has instilled in this country I don’t know what will.  As a country and leader of the free world we should be far better than this.  The conversation has to include banning sales of military weaponry.  Read this for reference if you want some depth on assault rifles: Fuck You I Like Guns  The first civil right of all Americans is to be free of domestic violence.  Corporate America at least is taking a stand.  Thank you First National Bank of Omaha for getting the ball rolling.  And wow!  Thank you Dick’s Sporting Good’s for not stocking assault rifles any longer.

One final word and it is addressed to everyone, but especially those young students that are speaking out.  You are inevitably going to feel frustrated with congressional and presidential leadership that is heartlessly absent.  But your involvement can have a significant impact. The business community is already listening to you.  I was a college student in the 60’s and as a group we were a constant thorn in the side of political leaders, and it made a difference.  I caution you not to go to the extremes of that time.  But tweeting is not enough.  Support political candidates who share your concerns.  Help them and apply voting pressure in any way you can. If you are not old enough to vote, you can still volunteer and speak out. The youth vote in the past has tended to be dismal. Don’t let this moment of opportunity wither away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ministers, Secretaries and Wishful Thinking

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I don’t know if you’ve heard, but  British Prime Minister Theresa May has created a new governmental position that is called  the “Minister of Loneliness.”  No lie.  And according to recent polling there, the appointment is not without warrant.  I guess there are a lot of lonely people in Britain.  Older people, disabled people, citizens who are unable to deal with Brexit, people still trying to get over losing the Second Boer War- they’re all  reported to be especially vulnerable and having a very difficult time with their upper lips and I suppose whatever else they like to keep stiff over there.  You certainly have to hope the new appointee can get to the bottom of it all.

Newly Appointed Minister of Loneliness

I do wonder about the official title though.  Shouldn’t it be the Minister of Happiness?   If you work for the government, your title should be what you are supposed to be doing, what you should be good at to help citizens out, not the opposite.  I mean they call their justice department the Ministry of Justice.  It’s not the opposite.  It’s not the Ministry of Injustice.   The Ministry of Defense does defense stuff, not offense stuff. Great Britain is a democracy for Pete’s sake. That minister is not out there blowing shit up just for the heck of it.  You certainly don’t want your Lord of the Treasury tossing money out of a window of the Parliament building or purchasing non existent bridges.  And so you don’t want people in this new department knocking on doors to make sure people stay lonely.  You should be doing your best to make people happy.  Minister of Happiness.  That’s really what the job is all about.  I think  Prime Minister May should pull her head out of her ass.

Criticism asside, I do like where Theresa May is trying to go with this though.  We could probably stand a Secretary of Happiness over here. So many  people I know are just plain glum these days.  It’s a trend that’s difficult to ignore.  What I think would be even better in the way of a new governmental position in the U.S. though is a Secretary of Truth.  Think about it.  The reason people are so despondent is we’re sick and tired of all the bull shit.  It just wears you out.  Makes you unhappy.  And pissed off.  A Secretary of Truth could solve a lot of problems.  It would take care of loneliness, anger, confusion, so many things. I am sure the entire country would be grateful.

LEFT: perfect candidate for Secretary of Truth

While we’re at it, how about a Director of Congressional Syncophants and a Supervisor of Obstructionists to investigations of Foreign Attacks.   If those guys do their jobs right we could collect all the ass kissers and the treasonous, and treat them to a nice meal- on one of those big boats you see that’s been mothballed and is really more of a floating restaurant.  Then as this governmental gathering is distracted by an evening of dining and drinking, we can tow this restaurant-ship far out to sea.  And then send a navy destroyer out there to blow it up.  And any aircraft carrier in the vicinity could send out a squadron of F-18’s to strafe and bomb whatever is left.  Might as well get a nuclear submarine involved and have it torpedo anything resembling a large remnant of the vessel as it sinks.  Just to make sure. That would be just the ticket to get the county headed in the right direction.  It would make me happy too.

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Seriously, what keeps getting lost in all the tweeting and furtive activity is the fact that our country has been attacked!  Furthermore, after an entire year in office our president has shown no interest in performing his primary, sacred duty to protect the people and our democracy from this type of foreign intrusion. And for reasons I do not understand, instead of responsibly enacting  their constitutional duty to check executive dereliction and abuse of power, several members of congress have shown nothing but contempt for citizenry by obstructing practically any type of investigation into this destructive foreign activity.  We need to put a stop to all this nonsense.  Call your members of congress and complain, and most importantly, store up your anger and utilize it in November.

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Women’s March

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I attended my first Women’s March the other day.  I am happy to report these gals seem to know what they’re doing.  Something I just thought of.  If you’re interested in that sort of thing I would have to think that’s just the place to meet women.  But frankly I wasn’t so much interested in the ladies as I was in their clever signs.

I met up with some regular friends of mine who like me probably didn’t have much going on that day.  I have some irregular friends too, but they’re not inclined  push through something that smacks of commitment.  If you happen to know anything about our particular group that gathered for the march, I think you would conclude we are fairly close knit, in that we tend to think a lot alike on many issues.  Women’s rights is certainly one we all feel is important to support. And so there we were,  I think the idea being there is strength in numbers.  By that I don’t mean our numbers were that impactful in the way of improving the overall numbers of the march.  The strength of having numbers within our little group was that if one of us should happen to stumble there might be enough of our numbers to rescue the unfortunate before being trampled to death.

I would guess our march was typical of any other organized march.  First, all of the marchers converged to a gathering point to listen  to some inspirational rhetoric supplied by a few speakers.  A middle-aged woman of Puerto Rican decent was the first to address us.  I thought she hit the mark with pertinent points- equal pay, get out the vote, love thy neighbor, the usual stuff I think you hear at a women’s march. Her speech seemed a little on the long side, but there was no shortage of applause throughout it’s entirety and overall I thought she graded out pretty well- at least the half of her speech that was in English.  Unfortunaelty there was a second half, which as far as I could tell was a complete reproduction of the first half, only in Spanish.

Applause for the second half was, to put it mildly, a little sparse. I felt sorry for the speaker after a point.  I wanted to applaud.  I am sure my friends also wanted to applaud.  But about all we could accomplish were confused looks at one another, which if they could somehow be interpreted in Spanish said, “What in the hell is going on here.” I have to admit the march started to take a bit of a turn for me.  But a lot of that had to do with my feet.  They were really not cooperating.  I know that was my bad.  The shoes I had selected to wear during the march were not constructed to march over any kind of surface not covered in carpet with extra thick padding.  And then there was the annoying drone hovering directly above us. I was reasonably sure what I saw was an attached camera, but what if it was a canister of toxic nerve gas?  It would be so Trumpian to take the easy way and eliminate  8000 opposition votes instantaneously rather than instituting time honored but tedious traditions of gerrymandering and redistricting.

As  I said I was there for the signs, and honorable mention went to the sign that stated “I’ve seen better cabinets at Ikea.”  I guess you would  have to say that sign scored first place as well, in that it was the only sign any of the speakers mentioned, period.  You could see the look of disappointment on the faces of a number of sign carriers when it became apparent their signs were not about to be recognized.  To be honest with you the Ikea entry didn’t impress me.  The statement was clever enough, but you should have seen the drawing that accompanied it.  I believe what its creator was attempting to convey was the picture of a kitchen cabinet, but all it was was a frantic scribbling in brown magic marker with no involvement of discernible straight lines anywhere and two yellow circles that I guess were supposed to be knobs of some kind.  What it presented in my mind was a reasonable rendering of the face of Sasquatch.

For me, the winner of my imaginary sign contest was the one that stated “I can do anything you can do and do it bleeding.”  Not only did that thing make a bold gender-based statement that captured the essence of the march, but the solid red background was almost intimidating.  Frankly it scared the hell out of me.

I have to tell you a sense of relief overwhelmed me  when we finally got the word it was time to actually start marching, and I am pretty sure my peers in my group of marching friends had the same sentiment.   If I remember right, nearly every one of us were propped up with joints of an artificial nature, or have orthopedic surgery scheduled on the near horizon. If there is one thing I took away from the march, it’s there is no sitting in marching.

Off we went, ever careful not to step on each others heals and doing our best to appear not to be hobbled in any way.  As we marched along I become fixated on a sign carried by a marcher ahead of me.  There were lots of signs, and this particular one would disappear from time to time behind another.  The words on this sign that held my attention were, “Fuck as feminists.”  It was totally confusing to me.  Equally mysterious was the drawing underneath, which I think most would say amounted to a giant green apostrophe.  I just couldn’t help wondering what that sign was all about.  To me it would have made some sense if the word “for” was subbed in for the word “as”.  I mean then you might possibly be promoting some kind of cause.  I’m sure there are people out there who could get behind that sort of thing.  “As” just didn’t cut it for me.  It threw the whole thing off.

We made a left turn onto a street of paving brick, and if you know anything about that type of surface you know you have to pay attention to where you are walking.  There are dips and elevations that can be treacherous.  Between that and avoiding other people’s feet I decided it was time to bail.  We came up on the cross street my car was parked on and with my first open opportunity I weaved through the crowd and worked my way to safety.

With the sweet comfort of my vehicle in view I finally started to relax.  Overall I was impressed with the turnout, felt the march achieved its intent, and happy I participated.  I have to admit I wasn’t so happy with the parking ticket mocking me from underneath the windshield wiper of my car.  It was a reminder from the traffic department that two hours is not enough time to commit to a Women’s March.  I will remember that next time, and be sure to tell whoever I designate as my proxy to keep that in mind as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Puffery Meets Providence

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After final passage of the  Trump “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act,” members of congress gather on the White House grounds for a  rousing  round of congratulatory back-slapping and congregate around the press podium and microphones.  Representative  Paul Ryan steps up to speak.

     Executive, Legislative Celebration   

Ryan:  “Mr. President, it is an honor to stand here and celebrate with you.  We could not have accomplished this without your exquisite leadership.  The people of America can now finally experience real economic progress as we initiate entitlement program abatement in the coming years.  You are truly an inspiration.”

Ryan steps away from the podium and is replaced by Senator Mitch McConnell

McConnell: “Exquisite leader and Inspiration indeed Mr. President.  But you are more than that.  You are a great man and unparalleled  political thinker.  Just look at your accomplishments.  Your deregulation initiatives have set the tone for a new America powered by coal.  No one has ever done more to make sure our country leads the way in keeping this planet pleasantly warm. The whole world is appreciative. You have set so many records- why it’s impossible to keep track of them all.   Just take a look at how you made sure our mining industries have handy access to all our pristine water resources.  What an economic triumph!  If I might interject a personal note Mr. President, my favorites of all your deregulations are the ones involving air quality.  We kind of had to sneak some of those by the general public, but boy will they be in for a nice surprise when they find out what they are inhaling is not nearly the same as what they’ve been used to.  Like you say, Mr. President, it’s all about jobs.  Once we get all the air around us to be more interesting, like it was in the good ol’ days before all these darn regulations,  there won’t be such a thing as unemployment.  And now our coal miners can get down in there and do their work without fear of cumbersome safety regulations.  You’re really taking care of our miners Mr. President, just like you promised.  I speak for Kentucky and the entire nation when I say thank you Mr. President.”

McConnell steps aside to make way for Senator Orrin Hatch who has been tapping him on the shoulder for the last 30 seconds.

Hatch: “What a momentous day for us all Mr. President.  Not only are you an inspiration and exquisite leader, great man and unparalleled political thinker, but even more importantly, after this day, it can be stated undeniably that you are a great president, and I dare say without a doubt in my mind, no, it’s no dare let me tell you, it’s a fact.  With this tax bill you will go down in history as one of the greatest- no, not one of the greatest. You will be recognized as the absolute greatest president- ever. And I’m not talking just here in America.  I mean in the entire world.  Every democracy on the planet will praise you and seek your advice.  I, along with the entire state of Utah and everyone in America thanks you Mr. President.  By golly these new tax laws are really going to get the economy moving.  You can bet there’ll be all sorts of new construction going on now that all our hard working corporate executives have so much extra cash to fund the new wings on their mansions.   Dog gone it this tax bill is so dog gone good even dogs will love it. Like you Mr. President, my wife owns a pass through entity, and man o man with the tax windfall she’ll be getting next year, if I know her, and believe me I do, she’ll be treating her two little pooches to all of those top shelf items at Pet Smart.  Mr. President, once again I want to tha….”

Hatch stumbles a bit as Vice President Mike Pence shoulders him aside and takes control of the podium.

Pence:  “That’s right Mr. President.  This country is so thankful to have you guide us into the future.  You are absolutely an inspiration and exquisite leader, great man, unparalleled  political thinker and of course I second that thing that you are, as of today, the greatest president to ever walk the face of the earth.  Certainly as we reflect upon all of your accomplishments everyone is amazed.  But it’s more than presidential accomplishment.  Take a look at your life.  From humble beginnings you took charge of your own future, and with only the several million your father gave you, you parlayed that and the bankruptcy and tax laws of this great country with the astounding, and perplexingly generous gullibility of the American public and created a massive fortune for  yourself.  And wow, with this new tax law of yours you have carved out an even bigger fortune.  By eliminating benefits for veterans, students and orphans and all those fakers who claim they have some rare disease, you were able to save that well deserved golf course deduction.   You represent the epitome of the American dream.  Why we don’t even know how massive your fortune is because your great team of lawyers, and as we all know our country is great because we are a nation of laws and such, your great team of lawyers has buried  the true value of your wealth amongst a huge volume of paper at the IRS.  American families are so grateful to you, especially those burdened by that ridiculous estate tax.  Looking out for your children is the most important responsibility a man has, and you have profoundly demonstrated how a simple man can provide untaxed millions for family and friends with the flamboyant stroke of a pen.  You have taken the power of the presidency to an historically new level Mr. President.

So impressive is your dynamic life, Mr. President, I have to tell you I have racked my brain in search of an example of a life of comparative import.  And in that desperate search, I tell you I have found but one- only one- that stands alone in mirroring your magnificent stature.  The man I’m referring to resides in those pages of the sacred book we know as– the Bible.  Mr. President, like all good Christians I know you use that holy book to guide your life. I don’t know about you, but when I read the Bible I am always struck by the power of the miracles surrounding the life of Jesus.   As you stand before us as President of the United States, most everyone believes that your election might be the single most impressive miracle to have ever occurred in this country.   Mr. President, it is such a privilege and honor to serve you, and I think it is only fitting that now, as we move into the future with these momentous new tax laws at our disposal, that I and this august body  bestow upon you the official title of— Supreme Almost Divine President of the United States of America.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, hysterical applause breaks out throughout the congregated group.   Much back-slapping and hand shaking quickly generates a state of exuberant pandemonium and congressmen begin to fall to their knees and bow before the newly anointed Supreme Almost Divine President of the United States of America.  Curious clouds mysteriously develop overhead, but no one engaged in all the rapture seems aware.  The sky turns forebodingly black, and suddenly  massive, multiple bolts of lightening are hurled into the crowd.

First, there was the explosion.   Witnesses say  body parts flew everywhere.  One man saw eye balls blown away from their sockets and roll down the street.  The blast was quickly followed by a raging inferno.  Later it was reported that bystanders were commonly awe-struck by its intensity.  What really baffled everyone interviewed however was how not one of the elected officials participating in the ceremony survived, yet there was not a single reported incident of an injury to onlookers.  When the blaze subsided and the smoke finally cleared,  a smoldering mass of charred flesh and bone was all that remained on the White House grounds.

Heavenly, Judicial Condemnation

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It’s been a year of confusion and despair.  That is why I thought it would be a nice gesture to give this story a cheerful ending during this season of hope and joy.  Happy New Year to All!

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In Search of Normalcy

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OK.  This is really pissing me off.  Hannity Republicans Hammer Mueller. I keep trying to get my head around this. Our politics have become so poisoned there is now a group of American citizens so contaminated they believe it is imperative to derail an investigation that is trying to get to the bottom of an attack on our democracy by a foreign adversary.  Republicans now want to increase the national debt and Democrats are the party of “family values.”  White evangelicals who call themselves Christians voted unanimously for Roy Moore.  More and more I am beginning to question what is normal. I am questioning myself.  I mean is it normal for me  to be overwhelmed by the compulsion to staple Sean’s Hannity’s tongue to the roof of his mouth and then sew his lips shut?  No, of course not.  But that impulse gets less disturbing to me each time I hear his voice or see his image.  It happens only in the terror of my worst nightmares, but  I even smell him.  The scent is an odd combination of  Brylcream,  Axe cologne, and polyester resin, which is the stuff Nerf products are made of.  If you’ve ever seen Sean toss his special football to whoever his mysterious receiver is hiding off stage, you might be getting a glimpse into the wonderings of my mind.  What a dork.  Like tossing a Nerf football somehow validates his manly manliness. Son of a bitch. Now I even associate Nerf footballs with scummy behavior.  I used to like my Nerf football.  I recently tossed it in the trash.  That is not normal.

Neither is Ohio Representative Jim Jordan.  During the House judiciary hearing mentioned above he is the guy who is convinced the American public’s trust in the Mueller investigation is kaput. As some sort of confidence restoration act he is certain what the country needs is a second special investigation of Clinton involvement in the election.  I would like to jam a red-hot poker up his ass.  That is not normal. I am aware of that.  The red-hot poker thing I mean.  Is a  second Clinton investigation  normal though?  Personally I think not, but congressman Trey Gowdy, the Benghazi kamikaze, disagrees. That guy would self-immolate if he thought going up in flames would get any kind of mud on Hillary to stick.  I fantasize about carefully placing his nuts on an anvil and smashing them with a  ballpien hammer.   That’s not normal is it?

Geezuz what are these guys afraid of?  Russian involvement in our past presidential election has been verified by every law enforcement body in this country.  It is impossible to deny that fact now that Mueller has produced two indictments and two cases of false statements.   Why in the hell is that so hard to grasp? And our president is totally disinterested in identifying our vulnerability and  preventing future foreign intrusion. That is not normal.   Is it normal that some investigators are biased in some regard?  Well, yes.  Considering our current political landscape how could that not be true.  There is bound to be an appearance of bias, but Mueller has shown he expects politics to be checked at the door by dismissing agent Strzok.  That’s the normal thing to do.

OK.  In the interest of  fairness I’m willing to concede and consider that thing about a Clinton investigation is normal.  Will that make the Sean Hannity’s of the country happy?   Go for it.  But let’s first focus on the more pressing investigation- the one involving the sitting president that has all the corroborated instances of Russian involvement stamped all over it.  Let the thing run its course and stay the hell out of the way.  Complainers are doing nothing but a disservice to democracy. Three-fourths of the American public wants this investigation to progress.   After it’s resolved, go ahead with a Clinton investigation.  Sean Hannity can sit on the investigative panel for all care.  I was never a big Clinton supporter anyway.  Load the investigation team up all you want with anti-Clintonites. What better way to get to the bottom of things than by inserting people to investigate that are motivated by vengeance.  That was protocol during all those Benghazi investigations.  Huh.  I guess that is a more normal way of investigating  than I was originally thinking.   The bottom line is dig up all you can, and to make things normal have someone with integrity sort through it all to make sense of it.   I don’t give a shit if you find something shady or don’t, with either investigation, and I don’t care how long it takes.  Just come to a conclusion and make it public.

Mueller is going to analyze all the evidence.  And likely whatever recommendations he makes will go before the House.  They will decide if there is any  impeachable offense.  If Mueller finds out the Trumps had some shifty non-political, financial dealings, which I personally think will be the case, there is no gray area to debate.   There will be concrete numbers that define allegations that the president will not be able to deny. Remember it was Trump himself that brought on this investigation by firing the director of the FBI. On the other hand, after he scrutinizes everything presented to him,  there is a fair chance Mueller will not find anything  related to the president particularly nefarious.  Let the man do his job.

Let me throw this out there.  How about a third special investigation.  Let’s investigate crazy conspiracy theorists like Sean Hannity.  Anyone protesting so vehemently about anything must be sweating it.  I bet it’s the golden shower dossier.  Just my personal conspiracy theory.  And it’s become completely normal to me.

 

 

Trophy Comfort

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November 6, 2017

During a press appearance at a Tokyo golf course this afternoon, President Trump dedicated a golf trophy to the shooting victims who died during the Sutherland Springs church massacre.  “The people of Puerto Rico really seemed to enjoy the one I dedicated to them,” the president stated.  “What happened in Texas was such a terrible thing.  I  thought everyone would appreciate a nice, beautiful trophy.  Throw in a bunch of prayers and people will be feeling a lot better.” Since there was no tournament taking place on the golf course, the president was asked where the trophy came from.  He replied that he always keeps a spare on hand whenever he travels because they always make him feel good.  “It probably has something to do with my collection of trophy wives,” the president said wryly.

No official press conference was scheduled, but President Trump did spend a short time with the media discussing the slaughter at the Sutherland Springs church.  In anticipation of a query about gun control, the president artfully defused the situation by stating the horrific incident was not a gun problem, but rather a mental health problem.   “The American people know that now is not the time to talk about gun control. It is time to roll up our sleeves and do absolutely  nothing.  What is needed is a bunch of prayers.  So let’s everybody say some prayers, but maybe just not in church till all this blows over.  And of course the trophy will help a lot.’

 

Trump Gets “Up” Around Any Kind of Trophy

 

 

 

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