There’s a Russian, Yuri Milner, that’s forking over a hundred million bucks to fund a kind of massive probing of the universe to search for intelligent life.  From what I understand it’s more of a probing for “sounds” of intelligent life.  I tried to insert a link right here so you could see i am not making this up, but turns out my host site got all screwed up with their recent update and now you need a plug in or you have to deactivate a plug in or some kind of shit like that, and you should know I have no clue how to do any of that crap so you are on your own.  Just google Yuri Milner.  Trust me.  I know you’re helpless and  kind of a lazy piece of shit, but I’m not about to do everything for you.  This guy seems to be pretty much on the ball.  He’s a billionaire to start with, but he was a physicist before he decided investing and finance was the way to go to maximize potential income.  Right there you have to hand it to him for intuition and perception, and since his investment strategy outcome is off the charts, I have to believe here’s a guy that really knows what he’s doing.

I for one believe there are some life forms out there in space that are just as smart as we are here on earth.  Looking around, you have to wonder how in the hell the human race even continues to exist.   As a group we do a lot stupid shit, pretty much on a second to second basis.  It really shouldn’t take much for anything living on another planet to double up the accumulative IQ score we have here.  Interject that fact into all the possibilities of life that logically have to exist in our massive, swirling universe, and it seems to me there has to be something out there in the sky that is smarter than a clump of rocks, or Donald Trump.  Lets face it.  It just takes a precise type and number of elements and chemicals to combine with the exact mix of heat and volatile gas and there you have it- life.  I know for a fact there is plenty of that shit floating around in space.

Lots of Shit Going on Here

And space has been around for awhile.  There are lots of planets and stars and stuff that are way older than this giant ball of interplanetary material we are walking on.  Trust me, if there aren’t some pretty smart intergalactic creatures out there somewhere, there are at the very least some hidden planets with a plethora of very perceptive plankton on board just waiting for a big evolutionary breakthrough.  Somewhere, somehow, someone or something is bound to show up and say hi.

The thing is though we are so fucked up here on earth who in the universe would want to communicate with us anyway.  There are any number of regular people on my block I go out of my way to avoid.  And all those telemarketing and robo callers.  Geezuz they make me want to rip the phone line right out of the wall jack.  Actually I did that once.  One of my kids really pissed me off.  And now I can’t even do that.  We decided to discontinue our landline service.  Now I wish I had it back so I could rip the line out of the wall again whenever I get a telemarketing call.  The adrenaline rush can be kind of exhilarating.   Of course I have a cell phone I could stomp the shit out of.  It’s kind of a piece of crap phone, but that’s why I like it.  The keys are so small I always hit the wrong one right away when I try to text.  So I never text.  And that’s exactly what I want to not do.  I hate texting, and I can easily get away with a really cheap cell phone plan that way, so it works out great for me.  I hate phones in general.  Alexander Graham Bell was a dick as far as I’m concerned.  When I get to heaven I’m going to hunt him down and kick him in the balls.

Human Peckerhead

So this Russian is spending his dough by leasing time on a couple of the most sophisticated radio telescopes on the planet in order to listen up, like way up, for beacons of some kind that would indicate intelligent life.  And here is the kicker.  Once there is confirmation that we have made some sort of interplanetary connection, part two of his plan is a million dollar prize that will be awarded to the guy that develops the best message that an earthling can send back.  I guess we have already dabbled in that sort of thing.  Astronomers and various other people have beamed all sorts of shit into the great beyond, coded messages, Craigslist postings,  Beatles songs, stuff like that.  Way back a Pioneer spacecraft carried a bunch of stuff along, including line drawings of a naked man and woman.

Peckerless Martian

I’m not sure who was responsible, but if it was someone in the porn industry I think they might have stepped over a fine line there.  If the idea of the drawings was to explain to interplanetary beings how we procreate on earth, can you imagine the entertainment value that has to have in the extraterrestrial comedy clubs out there?  How would you explain that process to a Martian?

I can only imagine what kind of shit my fellow earthlings will come up with in their attempt to collect the million dollar prize.  There will undoubtedly be a very volatile mix of rappers, evangelists, sports fans, military personnel, jihadists, gun enthusiasts, dietitians, nosey neighbors, democrats, republicans, vegans, beauty pageant contestants, movie actors, all jostling for position to make it clear to our cosmic friends what our world is all about.  And don’t forget corporate America.   Those guys aren’t about to let a million bucks lay around on the table without a fight.  You can bet during all the posturing a couple of people will get shot.  Could be a beheading or two.  In the end I suspect the whole project will come down to the proverbial “be careful what you wish for” axiom.  If there is indeed any intelligent life out there that intercepts our transmitted inter-galactic message, you would have to think that after studying up on us the most logical step they could take is to do the universe a favor by blowing our planet out of the sky.  Maybe the best thing Yuri Milner could do is rethink the project.