In what is emerging as an apparent twist to Fox News support of White Supremacy ,Replacement Parts Are On the Way   Laura Ingraham, once a devoted advocate of Restricting Muslim Immigration  Lock Them Out, now publicly acknowledged their usefullness. Laura Likes the Look

Obviously impressed with the Muslim youths included in this episode of her program, Ms. Ingrham was later asked if she might not be afraid some of them would be radicalized and blow her up some day. Scary Brown People   Ms. Ingraham said she was confident if any such radicalization did occur, it was now obvious to her that if there will be any blowing up going on by these youngsters, it would be in a gay night club so there really should be nothing to worry about.

When asked if she had any concerns about Sharia Law usurping US constitutional law, Ms. Ingraham replied absolutley not.  “Like all cultures and countries, laws change.  Look at Roe-Wade and affirmative action.  Its obvious Muslims have a lot of good laws that are in common with our laws that support good Christian values.  It’s very comforting to realize Muslims and Christians share this common bond of viceral hatred of the LGBTQ community.”

Fox News viewers likely heaved a collective sigh of relief with the recent revelation  by the weekend crew of Fox and Friends that racism in the United States  has officially been extinguished.

During a recent program Fox News host Rachel Campos-Duffy assured her audience  that America is the least racist country in the world, and called President Biden a liar by suggesting racism is still problematic. Fox News Drives Stake Into Heart of Racism Co-hosts Pete Hegseth and Will Cain were in total agreement.

With visions of the Confederate flag being waved in the U.S. Capitol Building during the insurrection still etched into many American minds, not to mention the recent hate crimes committed  just since January of this year, like 150 members of the Patriot Front marching down the streets of DC, the  murder indictment dismissal by a Mississippi grand jury  of the woman responsibel for the torture and death of Emmett Till, torchings of synagogues in Austin TX and Bloomfiield NJ, and a mosque in Minneapolis, multiple attacks on poeple of Chinese decent in various cities, a white supremacist sentenced for shooting into two different conveniance stores because in one he saw a Black man and in another he thought he saw a Muslim, a Florida man attacking a group of Black men who were surveying along a public road, a prison sentence for a man who set a cross on fire in a Black neighbor’s yard, as well as books about  Black life being banned from school libraries and whitewashing Black history in textbooks,  all of which had one nosey reporter wondering how Fox News personnel get their own news.

As luck would have it, he chanced upon all three as they were leaving Fox News headqurters, so he pointedly asked them the question: “How do you guys get your own news?”

“Well, Fox News, of course,” answered Ms. Campos-Duffy.

“Same here'” replied Mr. Hegseth

“I get all my information from Fox News” said Mr. Cain

“Oh.  I see,” said the reporter.

According to Fox News, prime time commentator Tucker Carlson’s highly anticipated series “The Sky is Not Blue” will air as scheduled next month.  Carlson has been working on the project for several years and has collected over fifty thousand hours of video from the archieves of the Weather Channel.  He has long held a belief that what you see with your own eyes is not necessarily reality.  He recently stated “Every day you watch the liberal social media present their view of the sky.  But is that really what’s going on?  It looks blue, sure.  But what we have accumulated is survalence video of the sky that the viewing audience has never seen before.  There is no justification for this.  What I will be showing you is what is really happening up there.  As you know by now, we will always tell you the truth and everybody else is lying to you.”

Carlson will set up a studio in London and air “The Sky is Not Blue” from there.

Fox News commentator and America’s festering carbuncle was rushed to an area hospital after collapsing on the floor of the Fox News editing room.  The attending physician, Dr. Charles Smyth,  said it appeared Mr. Carlson suffered a mild intercranial hematoma, possibly caused by excessive mental exertion.  “The other person in the editing room said Carlson did not suffer any physical trauma.  He was just standing there staring at the editing screen, and suddenly collapsed in a limp heap and pool of sweat,” the doctor related.

During a phone consult, prominent New York psychiatrist Dr. Winston Schrinck indicated Carlson’s episode was more than likely emotionally triggered. A Couple of Demonic Forces  “When someone is under immense stress, like suddenly being exposed intercontinently as a pernicious liar and journalistic prostitute, particularly when that person is a public figure with a large audience, the mind quite often will suddenly slam on the brakes so to speak and pop a blood vessel.  I would suspect staring at January 6th tapes was the last thing this patient should be confronted with under the circumstances,” Dr. Schrinck stated. The Tab for Selling Your Soul

When asked what he would predict in the way of a prognosis, Dr. Schrinck was very optimistic.  “Someone like Mr. Carlson with no attachment to any kind of moral or ethical anchoring should expect a full recovery.”  The doctor went on to explain how shifting between fact and fiction takes its toll on the human brain.  “People must understand the complexity here,” Dr. Schrinck said.  “You have a man who invested all this time and effort in creating a completly different reality for a huge segment of society, and then kept tweeking the fabrication night after night.  And this  wasn’t just some insignificant trolling.  This concocted version of factual events kept the hopes of all those dreaming of crushing democracy alive.  Can you imagine the pressure?  But all the while he is fully aware of the truth.”

According to the doctor, the real problem for Carlson occurred when he started reviewing the January 6th tapes.  Since he was so involved with make-believe, yet recently outed as completely cognizant of fact himself, what is he to do with those tapes?  Does he go ahead and keep promoting his make believe world and alter the tapes, thereby solidifiying the adoration of his viewers.  Or does he confront the truth and risk destroying  the trust of the Fox viewing empire.  Dr. Schrinck proposed this conundrum created a mind bending conflict for Carlson and is what caused his vascular episode.

Addressing recovery specifically, the doctor said he expects Carlson to be able to convalesce  completey within a day or two.  “An accomplished liar becomes so attracted to the whole concept of lying that it just becomes second nature.  During hypnotic consciousness a person who has developed a propencity for lying like Carlson will subconciously daydream about lying.  Dreams of lying become so vivid it is quite often comparable to having an orgasm.  I suspect Carlson will be his old self and lying like crazy very soon because that is the path that gives him pleasure.  Should he unfortunately falter and not produce the economic results Fox News expects, the company appears to have a very strong bench of liars on hand who are adequately equiped for replacement.

There’s shit falling out of the sky again.  Grab Your Bullitproof Umbrella    NASA says your risk of injury from their wayward debris is “very low.”  Just 1 in 9,400.  Excuse me!  That’s not exactly comforting. That’s the range of possibilty of dying by accidental electrocution.  When I was a teenager I watched my little brother test the limits of that statistic when he attempted to extract a slice of bread stuck in our toaster with a metal-handled knife.  And according to NASA’s calculation you’re about four times as likey to get speared by their rubbish than dying in a cataclysmic storm.  How many incidents of that type do you read about every day?

Odds of dying from a dog attack are 1 in 69 thousand.  I realize we’re talking death here, but once I was attacked by a dog.  I was walking back to my apartment from a park where I had been practicing my pitch shot with  my 9 iron.  A scrawny, mud-matted mut bolted from his yard and sunk his teeth into the leg of my pants.  Overall I was pleased with my stance and form as the face of my club struck his boney rib cage. Had the little bastard broken any skin on my calf I would have made sure his skull was analyzed for rabbies, conventionally or by the modified 9 iron procedure.

The odds of being injured by a toilet are right there with what NASA is suggesting here- 1 in 10,000.  The CDC actually documents this.  Look it up if you don’t believe me.  Though congress feels gun violence is not the purvue of the CDC,  equally significant is the odds of not serviving the accidental discharge of a firearm. That happens to be 1 in 7,900. Of course in America the odds of dying from a gun assualt are 1 in 221.  And now that 6 year olds are getting in on the action, look for that statistic to become even more alamring.  .Member of NRA Junior

Anyway, just a heads up for a few days.

It has emerged that uncertain political winds have created a spiritual storm within a large segment of the the nation’s Evangelical community.  Rankling that population is the appparent fall from God’s grace of former President Trump and the ethereal ascendancy of Florida Governor DeSantos.  After witnessing the governor’s religous commitment, Beware all ye Pharisees and Democrats  for many he has replaced Trump as the true Almost Jesus.

Typical of the DeSantos believers is Reverend Mike Whiteman.  He sees the wholesale Fox News abandonment of the former president as a clear sign from God that Mr.Trump was a false prophet.  “I believe the hand of the Lord did guide  President Trump.  But it seems incomprehnsible to me that he is really the new messiah after what happened in the midterms.  The true Almost Jesus has to be Governor DeSantos.”

Someone sticking with the former president is Reverend Philip Schonburst.  “Mr. Trump absolutely is and will remain the true Almost Jesus,”  the Reverend stated.  “You can’t dismiss all the miracles he performed for us.  And the obstacles in his life.  Can you imagine what it took to persevere through all those law suites and allegations?  The Lord is watching over him no doubt, and if you ask me only someone with a direct devine connection could get by with all the stuff he’s gotten by with.  Yes indeed.  Mr. Trump is certainly still the Almost Jesus.”

Without some sort of mystical revelation occuring soon, it is feared a bitter feud is in the wings. To avoid a nasty schism, it has been proposed the two holy men engage  in a walk off across Lake Okeechobee in order to determine the true Almost Jesus.

The National Rifle Association likes what it sees in Georgia Republican senate candidate Hershel Walker.  Though leadership of the organization at first thought it unusual that someone who held a gun to his wife’s head would be an acceptable political candidate for the U.S. Senate, spokesperson Amond “Ammo” Westfall stated that it is obvious the Republican party is aware how popular guns are in America, and Mr. Walker is the perfect agent to champion second ammendment causes.

When asked if he had any personal reservations about the danger Mr. Walker’s wife would be in with a gun pointed at her head, Mr. Westfall replied that he had no concerns.  “I’m certain Mr. Walker had the safety engaged on the pistol, and otherwise was following appropriate gun safety protocol.  This is a very intelligent man who received a degree from the University of Georgia, graduated in the top ten percent in his class, was an FBI agent, and ran a successful food distribution company that employed 800 people. Alternative Facts Party’s Most Viable Candidate  I’m sure Mr. Walker is perfectly capable of understanding the proper way to point a gun at his wife’s head.”

Florida Senator Rick Scott, who is Chairman of the Republican Senatorial Committee, was asked if he had any qualms about the Georgia Republican senate candidate.  Scott indicated he had no apprehensions, and that Mr. Walker represents the kind of forward thinking  the party needs.  “It’s a new time and our party will adapt to a new direction,” said Scott.   “Hershel interjects some unique inventiveness.  In fact we are becoming the party of innovation, in what we say and do, and certainly we can debate whether holding a gun to your wife’s head is appopriate.  But as long as it’s done properly I’m sure many of our voters out there consider it conventional.