A Christmas Story

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I took my Christmas tree out to the curb a few days ago.  The Boy Scouts picked it up- a service project of theirs I suppose.  When I called the fellow in charge of the operation a few days ago to let him know I had a tree I would be glad to get rid of, he’s the one that told me to just leave it curb-side.  But I thought I should offer up a donation, so I told the guy to have one of his boys  knock and I would make a contribution.  I mean that’s only fair and the right thing to do.  I was a boy scout and know some shit about their organization.  Sure some of what goes on is a lot of fun, but sometimes scoring one of those damn merit badges was punishingly difficult.  I remember one time I shoveled snow off people’s sidewalks all morning in ten degree weather, and you think any of those cheap bastards gave me so much as a cup of hot chocolate?  Hell no.

The day before the scouts dropped by I set a five dollar bill out to remind myself they were coming.  When my wife got all nosey and asked what the money was for, she called me a tight ass- said I should fork over a Hamilton.  I guess she thinks money grows on trees.

I’m here to tell you it’s quite the opposite.  That tree cost me a fortune.  Here’s the thing.    I won’t allow any kind of artificial Christmas tree in my house.  It’s got to be the real thing, one  like my dad always insisted on- a Douglas fir.  None of those fancy Balsams or Fraziers.  And forget Scotch pines.  They’re just overwhelming.  Douglas firs.  They always smell the best- like a mountain forest.

I usually get my Douglas fir down at my favorite hardware store.  I have a rule.  I will not pay more than $40.00 for my tree.  OK over the years I have to admit that rule has sort of been measured on a slide-ruler.  Back in the 90’s the price cap was $25.00.  It’s the 21st century.  You have to adapt.  Anyway, for some reason I let my wife talk me into supporting the nursery store across the street from my favorite hardware store. The owner of that place is a swell guy and he is always donating plants and ferns and shit to local school causes.  Well I’m normally all for that and actually I did find an acceptable tree there that was only five dollars more than the Douglas firs selling at the hardware store. The price was $39.  So I bought it. I stuck it in our tree stand, and after my wife applied all her decorating skills it looked pretty damn good.    Me with my tree in happier days  

About three days later we started to notice a peculiar odor that seemed to be coming from the tree and believe me there was nothing about it that hinted of a mountain forest.  After some google inquiries we were able to identify it.  Cat pee.  Google it yourself if you don’t believe me.  According to my web search when a conifer is close to completely expiring, emitting that smell can be a common occurrence.  I beg to differ.  I have a lifetime of experience with Douglas firs and this was a totally uncommon occurrence.  The smell got worse as the days went by, and was so offensive I decided if my wife wanted to disassemble the thing and decorate a replacement, I would go get one.  She was even more dismayed than I was because holiday guests were on their way and she felt it would be inhospitable to welcome them into a home that smelled like a giant litter-box.  So off I went, four days before Christmas, in search of a six to seven foot Douglas fir.  I had to drive 15 miles to find one, and was happy I did, but not particularly overjoyed when I had to pay $55 for the damn thing.

But we had our tree, my wife did her thing with the decorations, and all was well- until Christmas day.  The new tree started to smell just like the previous one.  Your twisted mind might think there is something humorous about that, but you can come and kiss my ass.  Something is wrong out there so I think you better start paying attention.  It’s about climate change, or even maybe the End Times thing is starting up.  I really don’t know what that’s all about but I can tell you this shit isn’t normal so you just better wake up.

When our holiday company woke up the next day, they became very aware of the tree odor too, and were relieved they had a plane to catch.  Though it is traditional to leave our tree up and decorated till New Years Eve, it was out the door within an hour of their departure.

A boy scout knocked as instructed, and I went to greet him with my five dollar bill in hand.  That’s when I started having flashbacks of my boy scout experiences with older tight-wads and so I dug into my wallet for a ten, or another five, but only had a one and a twenty.  So the scouts got a $6 donation.  If you think the nice thing to do was part with the twenty bucks, you have your head up your ass.  Talk to me later.  If the scouts show up in ten degree weather and there is a foot of snow in my driveway, I might work something out with them.  I’ll even throw in a cup of hot chocolate.

 

 

 

 

Puffery Meets Providence

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After final passage of the  Trump “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act,” members of congress gather on the White House grounds for a  rousing  round of congratulatory back-slapping and congregate around the press podium and microphones.  Representative  Paul Ryan steps up to speak.

     Executive, Legislative Celebration   

Ryan:  “Mr. President, it is an honor to stand here and celebrate with you.  We could not have accomplished this without your exquisite leadership.  The people of America can now finally experience real economic progress as we initiate entitlement program abatement in the coming years.  You are truly an inspiration.”

Ryan steps away from the podium and is replaced by Senator Mitch McConnell

McConnell: “Exquisite leader and Inspiration indeed Mr. President.  But you are more than that.  You are a great man and unparalleled  political thinker.  Just look at your accomplishments.  Your deregulation initiatives have set the tone for a new America powered by coal.  No one has ever done more to make sure our country leads the way in keeping this planet pleasantly warm. The whole world is appreciative. You have set so many records- why it’s impossible to keep track of them all.   Just take a look at how you made sure our mining industries have handy access to all our pristine water resources.  What an economic triumph!  If I might interject a personal note Mr. President, my favorites of all your deregulations are the ones involving air quality.  We kind of had to sneak some of those by the general public, but boy will they be in for a nice surprise when they find out what they are inhaling is not nearly the same as what they’ve been used to.  Like you say, Mr. President, it’s all about jobs.  Once we get all the air around us to be more interesting, like it was in the good ol’ days before all these darn regulations,  there won’t be such a thing as unemployment.  And now our coal miners can get down in there and do their work without fear of cumbersome safety regulations.  You’re really taking care of our miners Mr. President, just like you promised.  I speak for Kentucky and the entire nation when I say thank you Mr. President.”

McConnell steps aside to make way for Senator Orrin Hatch who has been tapping him on the shoulder for the last 30 seconds.

Hatch: “What a momentous day for us all Mr. President.  Not only are you an inspiration and exquisite leader, great man and unparalleled political thinker, but even more importantly, after this day, it can be stated undeniably that you are a great president, and I dare say without a doubt in my mind, no, it’s no dare let me tell you, it’s a fact.  With this tax bill you will go down in history as one of the greatest- no, not one of the greatest. You will be recognized as the absolute greatest president- ever. And I’m not talking just here in America.  I mean in the entire world.  Every democracy on the planet will praise you and seek your advice.  I, along with the entire state of Utah and everyone in America thanks you Mr. President.  By golly these new tax laws are really going to get the economy moving.  You can bet there’ll be all sorts of new construction going on now that all our hard working corporate executives have so much extra cash to fund the new wings on their mansions.   Dog gone it this tax bill is so dog gone good even dogs will love it. Like you Mr. President, my wife owns a pass through entity, and man o man with the tax windfall she’ll be getting next year, if I know her, and believe me I do, she’ll be treating her two little pooches to all of those top shelf items at Pet Smart.  Mr. President, once again I want to tha….”

Hatch stumbles a bit as Vice President Mike Pence shoulders him aside and takes control of the podium.

Pence:  “That’s right Mr. President.  This country is so thankful to have you guide us into the future.  You are absolutely an inspiration and exquisite leader, great man, unparalleled  political thinker and of course I second that thing that you are, as of today, the greatest president to ever walk the face of the earth.  Certainly as we reflect upon all of your accomplishments everyone is amazed.  But it’s more than presidential accomplishment.  Take a look at your life.  From humble beginnings you took charge of your own future, and with only the several million your father gave you, you parlayed that and the bankruptcy and tax laws of this great country with the astounding, and perplexingly generous gullibility of the American public and created a massive fortune for  yourself.  And wow, with this new tax law of yours you have carved out an even bigger fortune.  By eliminating benefits for veterans, students and orphans and all those fakers who claim they have some rare disease, you were able to save that well deserved golf course deduction.   You represent the epitome of the American dream.  Why we don’t even know how massive your fortune is because your great team of lawyers, and as we all know our country is great because we are a nation of laws and such, your great team of lawyers has buried  the true value of your wealth amongst a huge volume of paper at the IRS.  American families are so grateful to you, especially those burdened by that ridiculous estate tax.  Looking out for your children is the most important responsibility a man has, and you have profoundly demonstrated how a simple man can provide untaxed millions for family and friends with the flamboyant stroke of a pen.  You have taken the power of the presidency to an historically new level Mr. President.

So impressive is your dynamic life, Mr. President, I have to tell you I have racked my brain in search of an example of a life of comparative import.  And in that desperate search, I tell you I have found but one- only one- that stands alone in mirroring your magnificent stature.  The man I’m referring to resides in those pages of the sacred book we know as– the Bible.  Mr. President, like all good Christians I know you use that holy book to guide your life. I don’t know about you, but when I read the Bible I am always struck by the power of the miracles surrounding the life of Jesus.   As you stand before us as President of the United States, most everyone believes that your election might be the single most impressive miracle to have ever occurred in this country.   Mr. President, it is such a privilege and honor to serve you, and I think it is only fitting that now, as we move into the future with these momentous new tax laws at our disposal, that I and this august body  bestow upon you the official title of— Supreme Almost Divine President of the United States of America.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, hysterical applause breaks out throughout the congregated group.   Much back-slapping and hand shaking quickly generates a state of exuberant pandemonium and congressmen begin to fall to their knees and bow before the newly anointed Supreme Almost Divine President of the United States of America.  Curious clouds mysteriously develop overhead, but no one engaged in all the rapture seems aware.  The sky turns forebodingly black, and suddenly  massive, multiple bolts of lightening are hurled into the crowd.

First, there was the explosion.   Witnesses say  body parts flew everywhere.  One man saw eye balls blown away from their sockets and roll down the street.  The blast was quickly followed by a raging inferno.  Later it was reported that bystanders were commonly awe-struck by its intensity.  What really baffled everyone interviewed however was how not one of the elected officials participating in the ceremony survived, yet there was not a single reported incident of an injury to onlookers.  When the blaze subsided and the smoke finally cleared,  a smoldering mass of charred flesh and bone was all that remained on the White House grounds.

Heavenly, Judicial Condemnation

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It’s been a year of confusion and despair.  That is why I thought it would be a nice gesture to give this story a cheerful ending during this season of hope and joy.  Happy New Year to All!

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In Search of Normalcy

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OK.  This is really pissing me off.  Hannity Republicans Hammer Mueller. I keep trying to get my head around this. Our politics have become so poisoned there is now a group of American citizens so contaminated they believe it is imperative to derail an investigation that is trying to get to the bottom of an attack on our democracy by a foreign adversary.  Republicans now want to increase the national debt and Democrats are the party of “family values.”  White evangelicals who call themselves Christians voted unanimously for Roy Moore.  More and more I am beginning to question what is normal. I am questioning myself.  I mean is it normal for me  to be overwhelmed by the compulsion to staple Sean’s Hannity’s tongue to the roof of his mouth and then sew his lips shut?  No, of course not.  But that impulse gets less disturbing to me each time I hear his voice or see his image.  It happens only in the terror of my worst nightmares, but  I even smell him.  The scent is an odd combination of  Brylcream,  Axe cologne, and polyester resin, which is the stuff Nerf products are made of.  If you’ve ever seen Sean toss his special football to whoever his mysterious receiver is hiding off stage, you might be getting a glimpse into the wonderings of my mind.  What a dork.  Like tossing a Nerf football somehow validates his manly manliness. Son of a bitch. Now I even associate Nerf footballs with scummy behavior.  I used to like my Nerf football.  I recently tossed it in the trash.  That is not normal.

Neither is Ohio Representative Jim Jordan.  During the House judiciary hearing mentioned above he is the guy who is convinced the American public’s trust in the Mueller investigation is kaput. As some sort of confidence restoration act he is certain what the country needs is a second special investigation of Clinton involvement in the election.  I would like to jam a red-hot poker up his ass.  That is not normal. I am aware of that.  The red-hot poker thing I mean.  Is a  second Clinton investigation  normal though?  Personally I think not, but congressman Trey Gowdy, the Benghazi kamikaze, disagrees. That guy would self-immolate if he thought going up in flames would get any kind of mud on Hillary to stick.  I fantasize about carefully placing his nuts on an anvil and smashing them with a  ballpien hammer.   That’s not normal is it?

Geezuz what are these guys afraid of?  Russian involvement in our past presidential election has been verified by every law enforcement body in this country.  It is impossible to deny that fact now that Mueller has produced two indictments and two cases of false statements.   Why in the hell is that so hard to grasp? And our president is totally disinterested in identifying our vulnerability and  preventing future foreign intrusion. That is not normal.   Is it normal that some investigators are biased in some regard?  Well, yes.  Considering our current political landscape how could that not be true.  There is bound to be an appearance of bias, but Mueller has shown he expects politics to be checked at the door by dismissing agent Strzok.  That’s the normal thing to do.

OK.  In the interest of  fairness I’m willing to concede and consider that thing about a Clinton investigation is normal.  Will that make the Sean Hannity’s of the country happy?   Go for it.  But let’s first focus on the more pressing investigation- the one involving the sitting president that has all the corroborated instances of Russian involvement stamped all over it.  Let the thing run its course and stay the hell out of the way.  Complainers are doing nothing but a disservice to democracy. Three-fourths of the American public wants this investigation to progress.   After it’s resolved, go ahead with a Clinton investigation.  Sean Hannity can sit on the investigative panel for all care.  I was never a big Clinton supporter anyway.  Load the investigation team up all you want with anti-Clintonites. What better way to get to the bottom of things than by inserting people to investigate that are motivated by vengeance.  That was protocol during all those Benghazi investigations.  Huh.  I guess that is a more normal way of investigating  than I was originally thinking.   The bottom line is dig up all you can, and to make things normal have someone with integrity sort through it all to make sense of it.   I don’t give a shit if you find something shady or don’t, with either investigation, and I don’t care how long it takes.  Just come to a conclusion and make it public.

Mueller is going to analyze all the evidence.  And likely whatever recommendations he makes will go before the House.  They will decide if there is any  impeachable offense.  If Mueller finds out the Trumps had some shifty non-political, financial dealings, which I personally think will be the case, there is no gray area to debate.   There will be concrete numbers that define allegations that the president will not be able to deny. Remember it was Trump himself that brought on this investigation by firing the director of the FBI. On the other hand, after he scrutinizes everything presented to him,  there is a fair chance Mueller will not find anything  related to the president particularly nefarious.  Let the man do his job.

Let me throw this out there.  How about a third special investigation.  Let’s investigate crazy conspiracy theorists like Sean Hannity.  Anyone protesting so vehemently about anything must be sweating it.  I bet it’s the golden shower dossier.  Just my personal conspiracy theory.  And it’s become completely normal to me.

 

 

Of Donors and Donuts

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Gadzooks do I feel like a piece of shit.  You should too.  You watched a movie last night didn’t you?  God I hope you didn’t stream one of those stupid vampire films.  What is wrong with you?  Let’s face it  we all need to take a hard look at ourselves.  I know you.  Every time you score a  $10.00 birthday gift from your grandmother you dash off to check out the specials at the Quick Trip beer cooler.  Get a grip for Pete’s sake and make a credit card payment.  No wonder all the wealthy donors are getting all  those juicy tax cuts. They know where to put their money and it’s high time someone in congress stepped up and showed us where we went wrong.  Someone like oh, say, Iowa senator Chuck Grassley. Working Class Needs to Wise Up.  

I’ve been trying to figure out how I can improve my self worth and esteem and have zeroed in on a couple of things.  I am definitely canceling my Netflix account.  That’s a no-brainer.  And frankly it’s not that big of a sacrifice.  I pretty much just watch sports programs on TV anyway.  I only made it through a couple seasons of VEEP though, and will miss that.  But right there I am saving about seven bucks a month.  Not a bad start if I do say so myself.

I love my wife, but it looks like birthday and anniversary and Christmas gifts are a thing of the past.  And Valentines day.  I always thought that was a stupid holiday anyway.  Who thought that one up?  Hallmark I bet.  My wife always wants to do the right thing, so I know she’ll understand.  Wow this one could really ad up.  Ka-ching!  Money in the bank baby!  It’s no secret if I have a fault it’s that I’m way over generous.  One year I gave my wife a deluxe hedge trimmer for our anniversary and threw in one of those gigantic boxes of Whitman’s Samplers. Those are good because they have that  helpful diagram on the inside of the lid.  It’s particularly useful if you like to avoid those shitty cream-filled ones like I do.  Boy am I glad ol’ Grassley didn’t put the kibosh on my wife spending money on me.  That would really suck.

Now where I think the senator went a little off the rails is that thing about booze.  It’s how I get through the day.  But I don’t want Chucky G to be disappointed in my effort, so I guess I can cut back on my single malts.  There are some blends out there that won’t perforate  your stomach.  But I figure it can’t hurt my bottom line if I’m pleasantly surprised with a gift, so from now on all I want for Christmas is something nice from the Lowland region- Glenkinche or Auchentosan are favorites, but an offering from Speyside like Glenfiddich or Maccallan will more than do.

You’ve probably heard by now most of the trickle in the new tax plan will be going up, not down, so if you are really serious about improving yourself, consider renting out a bedroom in your house.  The way I understand it, the hands-down winners in the new tax bill will be rental real estate owners, like, ah, Donald Trump.  Godamit!  Do you suppose the president is trying to pull some sort of shenanigan here?

Hold on there buckaroo.  Don’t be so quick to judge.  This is where Chuck and his boys  really stepped it up.  As the “Grassman” has stated, it’s really important to note there are investors out there that can show us how it’s done.  What better way to provide an example of investment opportunity than to  cut the estate tax.  That’s a half billion that will eventually land in Ivanka and the bros laps. And Chuck’s clan felt it was just the thing to reward the president himself with a more immediate pile of investment cash by way of a nice tax deduction for every golf course he owns.  That’s how jobs are created my friend. With this windfall on the horizon  the Trump family will  be doubling  their payrolls in China quicker than you can say sweatshop.

At least old man Grassley didn’t say anything about donuts.  I love donuts.  I guess that’s a treat we can yet indulge in.   And after all, that’s kind of how the new tax plan breaks down.  You have your donor class, and you have us, the donut class.   There is nothing much new in what congress is proposing.  Esteemed  NY congressman Chris Collins flat out admitted there is no way he could face his donors without making sure they have a merry Christmas.   It’s a plan that ends up supplying us with just what the Republicans know we need- more income inequality.

  Everybody Likes Donuts

Now I know some of you out there might be getting discouraged.  It is truly a helpless feeling to realize that for every governmental violation of our donut holes there is a corresponding shrinkage of our dough.  But we must stay the course.  Remember, this is what it’s all about. It’s our duty.   So bend over and Make America Great Again!

 

 

 

A Year Too Late

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 WOW!  You have to be impressed with this “MeToo” movement.   By the end of every day now  you can count on a new guy headlining the sexual misconduct list.  Keep it going girls.  This is long overdue.  In the way of full disclosure, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to any female anywhere whom I might have offended in any way at any point in time. And to all my fellow guys out there, it would behoove you also to get out ahead of this.  You know damn well you don’t remember half the stuff you did when you were shit-faced back in college.  And what about that ex girlfriend that still hates your guts?  These ladies mean business, so count on sweating it out at the very least, and if you’re going to be an asshole about this you are totally screwed.

I got to thinking about all the gender righteousness swirling about, and besides once again stating it’s about time, there are a couple of other things that I think need to be addressed.  Men are pigs, no doubt about it.  But still, all pigs are not created equal.  I was relieved to hear several females, newscasters like Stephanie Ruhle and political professionals like Stephanie Cutter come to our defense at least in a small way and underline the fact that you can’t throw every offensive man into one extremely large bucket.  There are different levels of shitty behavior and each case should be judged separately.  But just what is the line that defines that which is totally inexcusable?  Keep in mind I am talking about the past.  I am hopeful what is taking place presently in the gender domaine of our social structure will not be just another futile surge, like citizenry gun control entreats that flame out within a few weeks after every god damned mass shooting we have in this country.  I think we really are at a watershed moment where women are mad as hell and are not going to take it anymore.  My guess is that from now on there will be, as should be, a very high bar expected of my fellow man-boars.

But what about the past?  How do you grade our past bad behavior?  What is the line that absolutely should not be crossed?  It’s a question raised even by the educated ladies commentating in the media.  Fortunately for you I think I can be of assistance here, and the tool I utilize is one that is universally considered nearly infallible- math.  It has suddenly become fairly well established that when push comes to shove, believe the woman not the man when charges of sexual misconduct are involved.  And as the number of females increases in corroboration, the stronger their case.  With that in mind I have come up with this handy “scale of fuckedness.”

Point one.  Only one female plaintiff.  Sorry ladies but this is still classic he said/she said.  I believe you.  The guy just plain looks shifty. But there are simply not enough numbers to back you up.  Blame the math.

Point two.  Two female plaintiffs.  OK.  the gals have something here.  This is enough to consider the defendant guilty.  But still.  It’s not enough to label  him totally repugnant.  Of course the charge must be considered also.  Pedophilia would be a deal breaker here.  I would have to throw in beastiality too.  Geezuz what’s wrong with this guy.

Point three.  Three female plaintiffs.  This guy is pushing the envelope. Likewise he has likely  been pushing himself up against a number of young ladies who do not appreciate it.  He could stand some counseling.  Starting to migrate into Creepyville here.

Point four.  Four female plaintiffs.  You got this guy by the balls, and not in a way he is usually dreaming about.   He deserves all the dick-deflating repercussions that come his way.  Take him for all he’s worth ladies.

Point five.  Five female plaintiffs.  Are you kidding me?  This has  deviant predatory behavior stamped all over it.  What I suggest here is breaking out an updated scarlet letter.   What must adorn this guy whenever he is out and about in public is a shirt which has inscribed upon it a huge letter “P” -for perv.  Make that a hair-shirt.

Point six.  Six female plaintiffs.  I don’t know what to say.  Honest to god my entire gender apologizes for this. This guy is total pond scum. House arrest should definitely be considered.

Point seven.  WTF!  This needs to go no further.  Anything over six- LOCK HIM UP!! This piece of shit should have his testicles revoked.  You can bet for every charge on record  there are a couple that go unreported. It’s time to step up now gals.  Strike while the iron’s hot.  It’s his crushed nuts on your ice cream.  

So there you have it.  Graph this out and as you will see that point where a man crosses over into definable despicable behavior is around the 2.8 point.   You do know how to plot an “L” graph I hope?  Geezuz Kreist it’s not that hard.  Just draw a big “L” and label the two lines.  Trust me it will all come into focus.  And keep in mind this criteria is for for past behavior.  What is on the horizon is zero tolerance.  Guys, in the future plan on getting totally fucked if you are anywhere close to crossing this pre- “MeToo” demarcation..  And by fucked I mean that literally- by your psychotic 270 pound cell mate.

Which somehow brings me to a second thought I have.  Where in the hell was all this contemptuous gyno-energy during the presidential campaign?   I’ll admit I can’t figure out women, but I will never understand how a man exhibiting this type of aberrant behavior and running for president of the United States failed to light the fire.  Sadly it seems if Harvey Weinstein just would have been ratted out in the summer of 2016, there would have been a far different presidential outcome and the country would be significantly better off for it.

Which brings me to my third thought.  Actually it is more a suggestion.  I think this movement needs some internal housekeeping, a cleansing within your own ranks.  Please go find that woman wearing the “Trump can grab my pussy” tee.  She needs some serious counseling from your organization.

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Trophy Comfort

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November 6, 2017

During a press appearance at a Tokyo golf course this afternoon, President Trump dedicated a golf trophy to the shooting victims who died during the Sutherland Springs church massacre.  “The people of Puerto Rico really seemed to enjoy the one I dedicated to them,” the president stated.  “What happened in Texas was such a terrible thing.  I  thought everyone would appreciate a nice, beautiful trophy.  Throw in a bunch of prayers and people will be feeling a lot better.” Since there was no tournament taking place on the golf course, the president was asked where the trophy came from.  He replied that he always keeps a spare on hand whenever he travels because they always make him feel good.  “It probably has something to do with my collection of trophy wives,” the president said wryly.

No official press conference was scheduled, but President Trump did spend a short time with the media discussing the slaughter at the Sutherland Springs church.  In anticipation of a query about gun control, the president artfully defused the situation by stating the horrific incident was not a gun problem, but rather a mental health problem.   “The American people know that now is not the time to talk about gun control. It is time to roll up our sleeves and do absolutely  nothing.  What is needed is a bunch of prayers.  So let’s everybody say some prayers, but maybe just not in church till all this blows over.  And of course the trophy will help a lot.’

 

Trump Gets “Up” Around Any Kind of Trophy

 

 

 

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Another Elitist Deluge Threatens to Overflow the Swamp

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Geezus this pisses me off.  Our lying POTUS (Particularly Offensive Turd Under Suspicion) is out there unabashedly protecting the interests of shifty corporate profiteers at the expense of the working class.  Last week there was this- Invasion of the Swamp People  Treasury Secretary Mnuchin is covered in bog slime.  He personally destroyed the lives of thousands with his ruthless and often illegal foreclosure practices when he was CEO of One West Bank.  Old news I know.  As is the conduct of EPA director Scott Pruitt. It would be comforting to know the administration is looking out for our general health and safety, but what takes priority time after time is corporate profits. Goodby clean air and water. With his intent to replace the advice of scientists in his department with that of his oil and gas cronies, kiss the EPA goodby as well.

Trump wasn’t kidding when he said he would surround himself with the very best advisors, if your idea of best is being the best at promoting self interest.   It’s true he has not been able to get a single piece of major legislation through congress, but while the president  distracts with sophomoric tweets and petty, purposeless diatribes, those very best advisors are sure getting shit done- during the darkness of the night.  It isn’t until we see a media report later that a clear understand of the devious nature of this administration once again hits us right in the face.  The burning question that looms larger every day is how long will his political base put up with gleefully taking it straight up the ass?

 

TRUMP CASBINET MEETING OVER COCKTAILS

TYPICAL AMERICAN HANG-OUT

BREAKING NEWS!  And speaking of hiring the best, how about that Manafort guy?  When POTUS tax returns are unveiled there’s a good chance we’ll see just how good the indicted fella was at advising Trump how to launder his own money.

 

 

Local Resident Says Country On Right Track

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Bouyed by President Trump’s recent assertion that he is solely responsible for the bullish stock market  and that somehow Wall Street gains are reducing the national debt, local unemployed resident Mike Blade says he feels confident the president knows what he is doing.  “That’s why I voted for him,” Mike stated. “He knows business and now that all that debt is under control you’ll be seeing me and lots of other folks around here getting a leg up on things,  you can bet on that.”

Mike Blade

Asked if he owned any stocks that have helped him get his leg up personally, Mike indignantly replied “Stocks are how those rich c**k s*****s on Wall Street get even richer. Those dirty b******s do nothin’ but f**k the rest of us over.”  Since the president’s remark about the stock market was an obvious  boast that his economic policies have benefited the  privileged rather than the poor and disadvantaged, Mr. Blade was asked if he was struck by the irony of his comment.   He responded by prattling on about the safety regulations of iron ore mining.  In his defense, he seemed confused by the word “irony.”

This reporter did attempt to inform Mr. Blade that the national debt has not changed much and the stock market has nothing to do with reducing it, but he became a little incensed and said “That’s b**l s**t.  You don’t know business like President Trump, and besides that Fox news fella Sean Hannity even backed him up.  So go f**k yourself.”

 

 

Three Things

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Has this Trump guy just worn you out?  One ridiculous thing on top of another tends to numb the brain, and actually many pundits and even professional psychologists believe that this behavior of his is absolutely intentional- that he does all this stupid shit continually so that the majority of us simply can’t keep up and we loose track of just how moronic he is.  Thank you Rex for calling attention to the obvious.  We need a reset every once in awhile.

Which brings me to my first “thing.”  Trump indicated in one of his recent tweets he would love to have an I.Q. test-off with his secretary of state.  Raise your hand if you likewise think this is a smashing idea.  Personally I think we would be in store for quite the revelation since this is a man who never reads a book,  who’s vocabulary is limited to 350 words, and refuses to release academic transcripts of any kind.

Yes, I am worn out also.  I really need to take a break from political blogging. There are so many blogs and op-eds out there written and spoken by way more qualified people than myself.  It’s just easier to marshal their words with a link insertion, like this. Tom Brokaw and Guns.  No one needs a silencer.  Use some ear plugs if the noise from your hunting rifle bothers you.  How in the world the sale of “bump stocks” ever materialized is beyond me, but there is no sane reason any regular citizen should posses an assault rifle in the first place.  And Geezus H Kreist open carry on college campuses?  WTF?  There have been four recent shooting incidents on Texas campuses now, two of them fatal.  Is there no one with the balls to take on the gun lobby?  How refreshing would it be if a political party evolved whose platform was solely to do the unthinkable- take away guns.  Why not?  We have a president who’s radical agenda seems to be a nuclear war.  We need a counterbalance to all the insane chest thumping hawkishness with some kind of dovish appeal.  It’s the democratic way.

                  

More of This                                         Less of This

That was point number two.  Number three is something more realistic.  I can’t remember what stupid thing Trump wanted to deflect from by initiating his mind-boggling statement about objecting to protests in the NFL.  As mentioned, who can keep track?  But  this could end up being a gaffe that comes back to bite Trump in the ass.  Can you imagine the public outcry if the NFL shut down operation over this?  It really wouldn’t take much now that Dallas owner Jerry Jones just opened the door to a political shit-storm by thretening to bench or fire any of his Cowboys who kneel during the national anthem.  If a couple of his starters take a knee anytime soon you can bet there will be a very good chance of a landslide of professional participation.  The players would have Jerry Jones and the NFL by the balls. And as much as I hate to say it, good for them.  I love football.  I might go crazy myself without it.  But this is just the platform professional athletes should exploit to emphasize their position, which is to demand equality, not disparage the military, the flag, or even the president.  Peaceful protest is a fundamental  first amendment right of every citizen.  I imagine there would be some good ol’ boys in Alabama rethinking their jubilation over Trump’s initial provocative remark that launched this unnecessary  maelstrom during his political rally in their football crazy state.

 

Gratuitous Exploitation

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Interjected in the center of all this controversy about kneeling during the national anthem is the question” why”. It arises again and again with our current president.  I’m not talking about why it’s happening.  We know that it is all about freedom of speech and the right to protest.  And likewise I’m not talking about why many consider the whole thing to be such a display of disrespect of the flag and all it stands for.  That is perfectly understandable.  Personally I have to say I wish athletes could find a different way to express themselves.  The head scratcher for me though is why the president of this nation  would go out of his way to inflame an already sensitive issue. That would be something to ponder if we had a normal man running the country.  But this is the Donald Trump show, directed by a man who by now we have come to realize is so completely not normal, the “why” in this situation is fairly easy to ascertain.

During all the anthem kneeling and so forth, what has surfaced as debatable argument with a likely outcome of gradual resolution, overnight turned into a firestorm of controversy, all because of a provocative statement  president shit-for-brains made during one of his after market campaign rallies.  Make no mistake.  Trump did not go to Alabama to stump for a Republican congressional candidate, although that was the initial intention pushed by the WH. Trump seems unsure if he is even backing the right candidate. Stumping for a primary candidate is a bit odd in the first place.  The real answer to “why” here is it was just another chance to supply Trump with a fix of his never ending need for public adoration.  What better way to give his ego a boner than letting him listen to a crowd of his staunch supporters enthusiastically respond to his profanity-laced course of red meat- the kind seasoned liberally with racial overtones.

Labeling NFL players who protest during the national anthem as unpatriotic is a complete win for Trump when his audience is a rabble of football crazy Alabama good ol’ boys. Heck, nationally over half the population feels that way, or is at least uncomfortable with that type of expression. Include me in the uncomfortable segment.   And Geezuz it’s hard to feel sorry for anyone making millions of dollars, although you can’t help admire someone who is willing to get his brains scrambled all in the name of entertainment.   Calling anyone an SOB during a nationally televised speech is pretty crass for anyone holding public office though, let alone the president of the United States, but unfortunately it is what we have come to expect from this president. You can argue that protesting during the national anthem is disrespectful to the flag, but so is racism.  As hard as it might be for many to swallow, these NFL demonstrations are about racial justice, not the U.S. flag,, the national anthem, our military, or Trump.

An ironic twist to this whole episode is instead of remaining unemployed, the chances of Colin Kaepernick getting picked up by an NFL team are suddenly looking promising, exactly the opposite of what Trump intended with this recent speech.  I’m surprised the editorial pages in Alabama didn’t go ballistic about Trump’s lack of football knowledge.  Outside of a platoon of combat vets or company of firefighters, I doubt if there is any institution that evokes more loyalty to their group than a team of football players.  Anyone who has played the game, from high school on up, is instilled with a sense of camaraderie that no doubt can be attributed to the violence of the sport.  Throw in the fact that 70% of those playing in the NFL are black, and you should understand chastising one of its members for exercising first amendment privilege to point out racial inequality is bound to create some blowback.  Trump’s concept of loyalty however only flows in one direction- his.  Underscoring how little the president knows about football is his comment about how the sport is not violent enough for his liking.  Every NFL owner arm-locked in protest with their team or otherwise knows all too well it is exactly that that could  be cause to litigate the sport out of existence.

“Bone Crusher” Kowalski models prototype of NFL headgear requested by President Trump

Of course that is all secondary.  The real issue is anyone’s first amendment right to protest.  And a protest is only as effective as the impact it has on society.  Whether you agree or not with Colin Kaepernick or any professional athlete taking a stand to promote racial equality during the national anthem, it is their right to do so.  And importantly, like it or not, for these black athletes there is no better opportunity to create impact than during the peaceful resonance of the national anthem.

Just for the hell of it here is a Chicago Tribune article that expresses the concerns of those who feel President Trump created an unnecessary shit-storm.  Presidential Fumble

Once again, instead of presidential leadership, we get little but incompetence and cultural divisiveness because of our president’s insatiable need for gratuitous applause.  Like this Tribune article implores, let’s leave race relations, free speech, religious protection, and now sports, to leaders who still have credibility.