Ever since President Trump revealed on Fox News that the war in Iran would end when he felt it in his bones, members of the MAGA community are questioning Trump’s decision to outsource presidential decisions to his bones. Herb Paxton from Whistlers End Alabama put it this way: “Trump started thinking with his bones, and all of a sudden we’re in the middle of a crazy war. He’s always trusted his gut. Now he’s letting his bones call the shots. I think he’s making a big mistake.”
Critical observers of MAGA world are postulating that this issue might be the one that finally precipitates the great MAGA schism. Polling indicates a sudden surge in the anti-bone movement. “I’ve never seen the price of gas go up a dollar in two or three days. I can’t say I trust Trump’s bones,” said Herman Parkman from LIttle Rock. Hank Steinfecker, a farmer from Possum City Missouri, suspects Trump was relying on his bones far earlier than most people realize. “I think it was his bones that sarted all this “tariffs for everybody” nonsense. I think his gut has more common sense. Fertilizer costs doubling, that’s definitely his bones responsible for that.”
Brawny Humper, a construction worker from Cincinnati, is a big supporter of Trump’s bones. “I’m all for bombing the s**t out of anybody that gives us s**t, especially if we can grab a bunch of their oil while we’re at it. People don’t get it. We grab enough oil there, gas prices go down here. That’s what Trump’s bones are telling him”
There was a disgruntled group of MAGA followers who are so upset with Trump’s decisions during his second term they all had one thing in common. They regretted ever voting for him. Fred Finster, an unemployed building maintenance worker, probably expressed the feelings of this faction best. “That m****r f****r is a lying sack of s**t who’s done just the opposite of what he promised to do. Thanks to that stupid son of a b***h I got no health insurance, can’t afford gas or groceries, while he’s milking millions from a bunch of rich p***ks having fancy dinners at his f*****g Florida palace. He’s a corrupt, money grubbing piece of s**t and you wanna know who’s the deep state? He’s the deep state. Deep in the Epstein files. He and his justice department cronies, doing everything they can to cover that s**t up. Which do I favor, guts or bones? He can take his guts and bones and shove ’em up his ass. As far as I’m concerned his thinking gets shuffled of to his d**k. Little girls and big t****d porn stars. That and stuffing his pockets. That’s what controls his thinking.
Marge Muffinger (pictured), represents the liberal, conciliatory wing of the Fred Finster position.