Bouyed by President Trump’s recent assertion that he is solely responsible for the bullish stock market  and that somehow Wall Street gains are reducing the national debt, local unemployed resident Mike Blade says he feels confident the president knows what he is doing.  “That’s why I voted for him,” Mike stated. “He knows business and now that all that debt is under control you’ll be seeing me and lots of other folks around here getting a leg up on things,  you can bet on that.”

Mike Blade

Asked if he owned any stocks that have helped him get his leg up personally, Mike indignantly replied “Stocks are how those rich c**k s*****s on Wall Street get even richer. Those dirty b******s do nothin’ but f**k the rest of us over.”  Since the president’s remark about the stock market was an obvious  boast that his economic policies have benefited the  privileged rather than the poor and disadvantaged, Mr. Blade was asked if he was struck by the irony of his comment.   He responded by prattling on about the safety regulations of iron ore mining.  In his defense, he seemed confused by the word “irony.”

This reporter did attempt to inform Mr. Blade that the national debt has not changed much and the stock market has nothing to do with reducing it, but he became a little incensed and said “That’s b**l s**t.  You don’t know business like President Trump, and besides that Fox news fella Sean Hannity even backed him up.  So go f**k yourself.”