http://www.npr.org/2016/07/28/487751344/trump-says-he-was-being-sarcastic-in-asking-russia-to-hack-clintons-emails Whew! Finally an explanation for all the crazy shit Donald Trump says. If you’re like most Americans, you are often puzzled by what spills forth from Mr. Trump’s mouth. Even his die hard supporters get taken aback occasionally. Well the cat’s out of the bag now. That remark he made about the hacked DNC computer- when he implored the Russians to go fetch Hillary Clinton’s e-mails- It was just him being all clever and such. Nothing but a ruse, a harmless sarcastic comment. It was a joke for god’s sake. And you thought he was being all astonishingly harebrained and suspiciously treasonous. Geezuz what’s wrong with you.
Of course the media got their underwear in a bunch over this, like usual. You guys have got to get your shit together! He’s just jerking your chain. And mine. And yours and yours. Lots of chains. Huge chains. All this time you thought his remarks were crazy rantings. If this man fails at his presidential run, he really should consider a career as a stand up comic. Maybe go on an international tour. Here is just a small sample of the hilarious shit he has come up with, stuff you probably weren’t smart enough to realize how funny it is.*
“The Donald” Seen Here Cutting Up In an After Hours Lounge
“Black guys counting my money. I hate it! The only people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” WOW! Move over Henny Youngman!
“It’s freezing and snowing in New York. We need global warming.” Are you kidding me? What a hoot!
“I rented him a piece of land,” he told Fox News about his relationship with Muammar Qaddafi. “He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn’t let him use the land. That’s what we should be doing. I don’t want to use the word ‘screwed’, but I screwed him.” Is this funny or what? He’s always doing this to people. What a wacky prankster. Take that, Muammar!
“Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure. It’s not your fault.” Not bad for someone who won’t release his college transcripts. Just like his tax returns, there’s bound to be some real knee slappers buried deep inside those documents somewhere.
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.” You might say this is his signature schtick. Can this guy deliver a punch line or what! This would really knock ’em dead in a Tijuana nightclub.
“An ‘extremely credible source’ has called my office and told me that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a fraud.” Donald’s favorite line for quite some time, but for some reason he doesn’t use it anymore. That’s probably because he thinks President Obama has no sense of humor and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings anymore.
“You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of ass.” No doubt this would play huge with the Boko Haram crowd.
“All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” More than likely most of the women involved here really got a kick out of Donald’s wise cracking about them, and, more than likely, since Donald is a big fan of Bill Crosby’s comedy, they felt it was best to always stay on the alert to remain conscious.
Holy crap on a cracker where does this guy get his material? He wrote a book, “Art of the Deal.” I bet there’s some zingers in that thing. Oh, sorry. That book was written by a ghost writer, Tony Schwartz.. But still. Just read what Tony has to say about Donald. http://www.cnbc.com/2016/07/18/donald-trumps-ghostwriter-says-he-regrets-art-of-the-deal.html
Well, OK. It’s obvious Tony is another guy with no sense of humor. Some people are simply like that. But Donald can’t just pull this shit out of his ass. He must read a lot of books. For sure that’s where he gets such clever ideas. Just take a look at what the Washington Post says about Donald’s perusal interests:
NEW YORK — As he has prepared to be named the Republican nominee for president, Donald Trump has not read any biographies of presidents. He said he would like to someday.
He has no time to read, he said: “I never have. I’m always busy doing a lot. Now I’m more busy, I guess, than ever before.”
Trump’s desk is piled high with magazines, nearly all of them with himself on their covers, and each morning, he reviews a pile of printouts of news articles about himself that his secretary delivers to his desk. But there are no shelves of books in his office, no computer on his desk. Quote from Washington Post
Well, shit. So he’s not a big book person. So what! I bet lots of comedians don’t read much.
*These quotes and others are here for YOUR further reading: http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/550112/donald-trump-quotes.html